Tuesday, May 31, 2005
I feel like crap again all of a sudden. I don't really know what brought it on. I just have a sense of hopelessness and depression again. I should be happy. Because things are going pretty well for me. Well, not "pretty well", I should say "fairly well". A lot better then they have been in weeks. I'm just still out of it I guess.
I got called into work early today. Yeah, and ended up working a 10 hour day. Grrrr...So much shit at that place, so little time. Thank goodness I don't have to be in untill 6 tomorrow and Thursday. ::Cheers:
Talking to Travis right now...haven't talked to him in weeks/months/God knows how long. LOL, this conversation is wicked pathetic. oh well.
As much as I don't wanna say it, and as much as I don't wanna even think about it, I really miss Angelo. I miss him so fucking incredibly insanely gigantic amounts. But whatever. Im just ant sized.
Well, im gonna go call Scott now. L8r everyone.
sorry for the short entries, I honestly don't have anything to say.
posted by Lauren 5/31/2005 11:49:00 PM
Monday, May 30, 2005
Heh, and I thought yesterday was a bad day...Today was 10 times worse. Customers today were a pain in the ass, shit just came up left and right, it just wasn't good. Thankfully, its done with...only to start again tomorrow. Crap. God help me.
My mood has been better yesterday and today for some reason. I mean, its better if you minus out all the bullshit thats been going down at work. I'm just so fucking suck of it.
But besides that, I'm alright. I've made some new friends in the past couple weeks who have brought my spirits up tremendously. And the weird thing is, I actually have PLANS on Friday night!!! I'm going to the mall and movies w/ Jason. :-D
And for those of you interested, my date went fine :). thats All Im saying. If you wanna know more, ask me and If I feel like it, I'll tell you.
I'm so fucking tired. I could honestly fall asleep right now.
Well anyways, Im done for today. not much else to talk about. Ciao.
posted by Lauren 5/30/2005 07:30:00 PM
Sunday, May 29, 2005
UGH. Thank God I'm done w/ work for today. SOOOO boring today. And tomorrow is gonna be even more boring because its memorial day and NO ONE is going to be in the mall. But, at least theres things to be done tomorrow so maybe it'll go by kind of fast...we can only hope.
So, tonight I'm going out on that "date" I told you about. I'm not gonna say anymore about it until later, if I say anything at all.
If you haven't noticed, theres a new addition to my "Friend's pages" list. :-D JASON!!! ::waves:: :-) lol. Awesome dude, no doubt.
Haven't talked to Wayne in a while :(...I miss him.
Talked to Matt the other day though :-D! hi matt!! ::waves::
I'm Soooooooooo tired. I better get to bed pretty damn early tonight. I got virtually no sleep last night. Ugh. I know I should have slept in. But that would have meant skipping Chruch, and I told myself I wasn't gonna do that unless I Absolutly HAVE to.
Anyways, I'm doing a lot better now. I'm still not over Angelo, but ya know what? I don't think I ever will be. And honestly, I don't want to get over him. Because theres still that little bit of hope inside me that I don't want to give up on. And I love the kid to pieces, so why should forget about him? I know he loves me too, but its just a tough situation. Thats all I'm gonna say cuz I don't wanna go into details like i've said before. Cuz honestly, It's really none of your business. LOL, not to sound like a bitch, but it's true. And I've never told ANYONE the whole story, and don't plan on it, so don't ask. But Angelo, if you're reading this, I know I've said it millions of times, but I really do care about you dude and I value our friendship so much, and I never wanna lose that. <3.
Family Guy tonight!!! WOOOOT!
Anyways, I'm gonna get going..maybe more l8r if i feel like it.
Ciao!
posted by Lauren 5/29/2005 06:51:00 PM
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Like the new digs? LOL, I do!
Things have been going a lot better for me I guess. I mean, there have been some moments where I just feel like breaking down and crying. Like, today at work I was on my break and sorta bored and of course, when I'm bored I'm gonna be thinking about stuff. And thats when My mind drifts around to everything thats happend and I feel sad. I still haven't had a good cry about what Angelo told me, and I think I need to do that. I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes you just gatta cry to make yourself feel better. His words just ring in my mind and my eyes swell up. :,,,,(. Its so pathetic. I'll just go about my business durring the day and randomly feel like crying. It so sucks. I know Im a loser, but thats how it is. Im just overwhelmed (sp?) by it all. So fucking overwhelmed.
so yeah, Bo lost American Idol. I had a feeling he was going to. I think Carrie got a lot of sympathy votes. But whatcha gonna do. Im SOOOOOO pissed and upset about it, but oh well. Bo deserved it. It sucks though. everytime I've liked someone, they've lost. Ya know. urrrrrgh. Its so frustrating.
I'm really happy. Tomorrow I have NOTHING to do. Absolutly NOTHING. I'm not going to my mom's or anything. I think what I'm gonna do though is clean my room. Its such a mess its unbelieveable. Ive gatta go through everything and throw stuff out. I hope I get the motivation to do it because I honestly need to. But I'm soo tired. I've been working a lot and next week I have to work 6 days. URRRRGGGHHHH.
Tonight I went over Joy's house and she showed me all her scrapbooking stuff. And she has A LOT of shit. TONS AND TONS of shit that she uses. But her scrapbooks came out SOOOOO nice. Mine is gonna be pretty cassual, but I still want it to look nice. Got A LOT of inspiration...she let me borrow some books with ideas in them too. I can't wait to get started on mine. I still have pictures to print and stuff, but its gonna be awesome :).
I still have to start my painting for my mom. perhaps Ill do that tomorrow too. lol. I gatta ask her a few things first. I've just had NO inspiration at all. I had a little, but not quite there yet.
Well bit of exciting news....
To see what it is, highlight here--------->I have a date on Sunday!
Ciao ;-)
posted by Lauren 5/26/2005 10:40:00 PM
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Well, Julie (my cousin) had her baby last night... Another boy. Based on what I understood from Jean's message, the name is Reeve Michael. Hmmm.....ooookkkkkaaaaayyy. I was never thrilled w/ Julie's choice of names. lol, but at least Reeve sounds a little hunky, so at least he won't have any issues growing up like Aidan.....Heh, I really don't like that name. Can you imagine being a teenager and being named Aidan? gatta be rough. but whatever. lol. Im happy for her though :).
American Idol tonight......Im gonna be at work so I gatta watch it when I get home. And tomorrow is the big day.....ahhhhhh!!!!!!! EVERYONE GET YOUR PHONES OUT AND VOTE TONIGHT!!!! VOTE FOR BO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got a message from Angelo yesterday...when I read it, it made my blood turn cold. No lie, but Im alright. The important thing is that he's happy, I'm NOW happy, and we're still friends.
I think that picture of Drew Carey that I posted yesterday would make a good lay-out picture. Hmmm...ill have to see what I can do w/ it. The site I got it off of is AWESOME! might add it to my blog roll.
Gatta work tonight.....NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!.....gatta work again tomorrow night for the AI results!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! thats gonna suck. Claudia is probably ognna call me and ruin it anyways. :-P
Well. Im done. lol, maybe more l8r if i feel like it.
words of wisdom for today :)
-The key to failure is trying to please everybody
-Even if you do not see something, you can still have faith that it is there
-Appreciate the many things that make your life so valuble
posted by Lauren 5/24/2005 10:59:00 AM
Monday, May 23, 2005
Okay, first things first....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DREW CAREY!!!!!!
picture is from Improbable mission.com
Anyway....
stupid Fox took off Family Guy and American Dad last night and showed Star Wars episode II. Stupid them. I was so looking forward to Family Guy.
Things are getting ugly again at work...people are gettin' pissed. who knows whats gonna happen now.
Well, they say that when you're at rock bottom, the only place to go is up. And I'm proud to say that my spirits have been a little higher in the past day or so, for various reasons. Who knows what those reasons are, but I guess I'm a little better now. I still don't know what the deal is w/ Angelo. I guess he's still busy. I miss him terribly though, and he's still on my mind constantly. But, Whatcha gonna do? I still feel so responsible for most everything that happend. But I dunno. Maybe it just wasnt meant to be..as sad as that sounds :***(
I'm gonna go over Joy's on Thursday to check out her scrapbooks. She's big into it and I'm thinking maybe looking at hers will give me some ideas for mine. And she said to have a little notebook while I'm in florida and write down things that happen every day and take pictures along w/ it. Then I print my pictures and make a scrapbook out of them with the things I wrote down as captions like. Get it? lol. I'm gonna make another one in addition to the one I make w/ my pictures from florida. Im planning on starting to work on it pretty soon. I think I'm gonna have to go to like a craft store like Michaels and get more supplies cuz they'll probably have cooler stuff then the stores around here.
Back at Christmas time, Sharon, this person I work w/, gave me this book called "8,789 Words of Wisdom" and I was flipping through it today and thought that I would post a few of them at the end of my blog entires when I write. So, heres a few for today:
Love yourself and everything else will fall into line
Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it
Don't under estimate your power to change yourself
posted by Lauren 5/23/2005 09:33:00 AM
Friday, May 20, 2005
This song pretty much describes my life right now..."Broken Wings" by Alter Bridge:
Fight the fight alone
When the world is full of victims
Dims a fading light
In our souls
Leave the peace alone
How we all are slowly changing
Dims a fading light
In our souls
In my opinion seeing is to know
The things we hold
Are always first to go
And who's to say
We won't end up alone
On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
I'll search for so long
Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
In the same place with all I love
Mend the broken homes
Care for them They are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls
In my opinion seeing is to know
What you give
Will always carry you
And who's to say
We won't survive it too
On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
I'll search for so long
Set a-free all
Relying on their will
To make me all that I am
And all that I'll be
Set a-free all
Will fall between the cracks
With memories of all that I am
And all that I'll be
On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
I'll search for so long
posted by Lauren 5/20/2005 11:30:00 PM
Thursday, May 19, 2005
I can't fucking take this bullshit anymore. I don't know why people love to hate me, but they do. I have a feeling that Angelo doesn't give a shit about me anymore. I just have this deep gut feeling that he just doesn't care about me. I never really trust anyone, but I really did trust him. There was just something about the way he acted that made me trust him. I trusted that I would never be hurt by him. But, here I am. Crying my eyes out, just like i've been doing every day and night for the past couple weeks. I just don't wanna talk to anyone anymore. My spirit can't afford to be hurt again. I just couldn't take betrayal again. I don't think I should ever make any new friends. I've been stabbed in the back by anyone I've ever come in contact with. Maybe it's my destiny to be alone. Maybe I was never meant to be w/ anyone. They say that theres someone for everyone out there. Well, not me. I'm an exception to that rule. Can anyone seriously tell me why everyone hates me?!? Am I really that horrible of a person that everyone has to stab me in the back?! Did I ever do anything do deserve it?! I can't take this anymore I honestly can't. I don't know why everyone feels the need to hate me, But I guess my only option is to just go with it and spend the rest of my life with my head down.
posted by Lauren 5/19/2005 11:45:00 PM
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
So, goodbye to Vonzell on Amreican Idol tonight. Boo frickity hoo. I really don't think she did that great last night either. So, the Final two is Bo and Carrie.....EEEEEEEEP!!!! BO BETTER WIN!!! EVERYONE TAKE YOUR PHONES OUT AND VOTE DAMMIT!!!!
Yeah, I'm still pretty sad. I really don't know how to get out of this funk I'm in. I spent the majority of last night crying, yet again. At work I almost started crying. But I figured I'd better shape out of that because Cat usually knows when something is wrong w/ me and I didn't feel like talking again. I've just been so freakin' depressed. It'll be three weeks tomorrow since I talked to Angelo on the phone last. The only reason I know that is because I wrote about it in my journal and I went back and looked at it. I miss him so freaking much words can't describe it. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like my world ended. I know it hasn't but thats how I feel. I don't think he realizes how much he means to me. He's done more for me then he'll ever know. He completly turned my life around when I needed it most. Now I just constantly feel like no one cares about me and no one gives a damn. Perhaps I should shut up now before I freak people out.
But anyways....
I really miss talking to Adam!!!! I so wish he could get on more. :( Hi dude! if you're reading this :)
So yeah...Scott Stapp sent me an e-mail on myspace!!!!!! :-D!!!!!!! OMG, I was hyperventillating (sp?) when I saw it. I sent him a friend request and a little e-mail message telling him about much I love him....and all that. He truly is awesome, I don't care what ANYONE says.
I seriously can't wait to go to Florida. I SOOOOOOOOOOO can't wait. I wanna meet tons of cool people (and hott guys ;-) ) and party it up and just have an AWESOME time. It's about time something good happend to me.
as you can probably see, I still haven't gotten around to putting my new graphic up and all that...Ill get to it eventually.
So, My mom is moving on Saturday. And I get to help. I also get 100 dollars. WOOOOOOOT! The only thing that sucks is I gatta spend all day with that fucking-ass hole Andy. Thats not gonna be fun AT ALL. I deserve more then 100 dollars...I deserve 100 dollars plus the cost of a bottle of tylonal from all the fucking headaches he's gonna give me. I guess it'll be worth it for the 100 dollars though....
Guess what peoples?!?! OUR D.M (the british bulldog) RESEIGNED!!!!!!! (sp?) NO MORE KAREN!!!! WOOOOT!!! WOOOOOT!!!!!!! ::dances:: thank God!!!! I was getting so incredibly sick of her bullshit....(lol, get it...bulldog...bullshit....)
anywhoo...
Got the American Idol CD today.....
Went to Wendy's after work....
ummm.....
guess thats it for today.
Ciao.
posted by Lauren 5/18/2005 10:45:00 PM
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Today was just an okay day...nothing really exciting happend. I went to the gym today, came back, then went to work. I still have to watch tonights American Idol...I'm gonna be such a nervous wreck for tomorrow.....eeep!!!! only one week left! I can't believe it's over already...
Today while I was walking to work, I had my CD player on and was walking on the sidewalk where all the stores are across the street from the mall..it was at a time when my CD was changing songs so I could hear what was going on...a guy pulled up on the side of me and said "Do you have a boyfriend?!". I just pretended I didn't hear him and walked away. Kinda scary..the guy wasn't bad looking though.
Talked to Mike for a bit today. Hi Mike!! if you're reading this. :-D.
Talked to Matt for a little while yesterday too! Haven't talked to him in ages. Im gonna try to keep in touch with him more.
Note to self: NEVER walk 45 minutes to work wearing flip-flops.
Coffee w/ Rick (my pastor) was a really enjoyable time. We just sat and talked for a while. I'm so glad I know him. He's just such a great guy. In reality, the only thing I'll miss about Connecticut is my church It's gonna SUCK so much leaving my church. I mean, how many people can say that they're friends with their pastor? Me and Rick have gone out a few times. I truly consider him to be my friend. I remember a couple years ago, we went on this winter retreat at this camp, and durring our free time, me and him just sat in the lodge by the fireplace and talked for like 2 hours. I just love his company. At least he's a not a stick-in-the-mud "psycho christian" w/ no sense of humor. He always asks me this one really awkword question though, that I never really know how to answer. He asks me "how is your faith doing". I normally just say "fine" and nod my head and smile. I really never know how to answer that question. But my church is honestly the best place to be for me. Its the only place where Ive felt truly accepted. No one judges me there. And I'm actually pretty popular there. Everyone there I've either known forever, or they know me from doing power point. I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with leaving my church. I've met some freakin' awesome people there who I don't wanna leave. I met Git there, and I love him to death. And Sharon too. She's been there for me day-in and day-out. And of course Joy and Michael. I love both of them, and I just love everyone. I don't know how I'm going to handle this..I really don't.
::sigh:: I guess I'll go get comfortable and relax for the rest of the night.
posted by Lauren 5/17/2005 10:19:00 PM
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Ya know, It takes a lot to get me really really pissed off and unhappy. Well, maybe not. But it DOES take a lot to get me pissed off and unhappy for any length of time. I still felt like crap this morning when I got up for church. And believe me, I was WICKED tired. I honestly did not wanna get up. But, I did...went to church, went to work...and my day was just ick so far...Then I was about to take my lunch break. And I looked on my phone and I had not one, but TWO text messages. Honestly. It's the little things that turn my day around. The first one I read was from Wayne!!!! hi wayne!!!!!! LOL. All he did was write "::Waves:: :-P". Thats it. And immediatly when I read that, I felt a whole hell of a lot better. Wayne really never fails to bring a smile to my face :-D! The second message was from....uh, yeah...Angelo...He just apologized that he's been really busy lately and hasn't had time to talk. I'm just thankfull that he IS still talking to me....Im surprised he's not ready to chop my head off. I'm so thankfull for both of them. I'm the luckiest bitch alive to even say that I know them.
I talked to this new guy last night who I met on myspace. His name is Nate. (no, not my army guy nate) He seems pretty cool :). We just talked for a little bit about random shit. But yeah, he seems pretty cool. Has long hair too...^_^
Honestly, now that Hot Topic is open, I wish it was gone. LOL, I've spent a lot of money there already! I mean, I'm glad it's there, but it's gonna clean my bank account pretty fast! The other day I went in there and got those buttons I mentioned before...then I went in there like 2 days ago and got a shirt w/ Puss N' boots from Shrek 2 on it and it says "fear me...if you dare" LOL. And today I went in there and got a Captain Jack Sparrow pillow case.....;-) and a tinkerbell bookmark that says "believe in magic" on it :-D. coolness huh? lol. theres a Captain Jack Sparrow blanket in there....I'm expecting to get it from Katie for my birthday.....::Cough cough:: lol :-D
Mel's Bridal shower went a lot better then I was expecting it to be...I drove over Denise's house, and saw Josh and Derek. Cool to see them again :-D. So I hung around and watched some of what appeared to be a new Lewis Black special...:-D! Then me and Kate and Lindsay (Derek's girlfriend) drove there....and yeah. i didn't know anyone, but I got to talk to Denise for a bit..after she finally sat down.LOL. And she liked my present...Thank God. lol.
Tomorrow I'm going to meet Rick (my pastor) for coffee. I really like seeing him. I see him at just the right times. I remember my first day at my job, before I went in there (Really nervous obviously) And I spotted him in Munson's (back then it was still across from my store). And just seeing him and talking to him makes me feel great. He's such a great person. And I know I can always count on him if I ever need to talk about anything, no matter what it is. I know he'll never judge me or make me feel bad about anything. Im so blessed to go to that church. I remember I was walking to work one time a couple months ago and I saw him pull into blockbuster...and talked to him for a while then too.
Speaking of walking to work.... I was walking the other day and I saw John! (my aunts boyfriend). He pulled up next to me in his BMW...holy shit that car is nice...it even talks to you!! but he had everything dissconnected because it was pissing him off. LOL, it kept telling him to slow down...haha! But yeah, saw him, and oddly enough, he was talking to my dad on his cellphone when I saw him. LOL.
Anywhoo...Im gonna call it a night. Ciao!
posted by Lauren 5/15/2005 10:30:00 PM
Friday, May 13, 2005
I honestly don't know why I bother waking up in the morning. I may as well just suffocate myself under the blankets. I've been in such a funk lately it's not even funny. I've been crying non-stop. I spent about 90% of last night crying and feeling like shit. Then I woke up and cried and felt like shit most of this morning and afternoon too. I just can't carry on like I used to. Nothing in my life is good right now. Nothing. I really do wonder if I have anyone left. If anyone out there really gives a rat's ass about me. I'd be surprised if a bird cared about me at this point. I'd mostly be surprised if Angelo has any love for me left. I feel like everything has drained between us. I don't feel loved by him like I used to. I just feel like another aquaintance in his life. And thats not waht I want to feel. I wish things were the way they used to be. Everything was so perfect and no matter how bad things were at home or work or whatever, Just thinking about him made my day bright and happy and I always had a smile on my face. Now, every time I think about him, I start crying. Which explains why I've been crying so much. Everytime I think about him, I think about all the things he used to say to me, all the conversations we had, and everything that was so perfect just a few weeks ago. Then I look at how things are now and I just burst into tears. I just can't get over him. I can't. He's the only person who ever cared about me. Who actually gave a damn how I felt durring the day. I'm so alone here and I can't stand it. I don't have any friends or anyone to just hang out with and have a good time. On Friday and Saturday night I'm sitting home alone in my room on the computer or reading. Thats not the way an 18, soon to be 19 year old should live. Even my family doesn't like me anymore. I haven't said a word to any of them in the longest time. On Easter, I was pretty much silent and thats the last time I saw any of them. Everytime I see them, They're all laughing and having fun and I'm just sitting back and watching. It never used to be like that. Me and Jeff would do stuff together and have a great time. Now I just sit and watch everyone else have fun. No one would give a rat's ass if I just left right now. No one would miss me for a second. If I had somewhere to go, I would so leave right now. I should anyway, even though I have nowhere to go. I shuold leave to better myself and everyone whose ever come in contact with me. Maybe their lives would be better if I wasn't in them. I've done nothing good. I feel so responsible for everything that happend between Angelo and Me. I feel SOOOOOOO responsible. It was just all my fault and he doesn't need bullshit in his life. If theres one person who doesn't deserve any crap, it's him. Because he has nothing but love to give and doesn't deserve any crap in return of being so fucking cool and sweet. He never deserved to be put through anything that I've put him through. He never deserved to be stressed like he was a couple weeks ago. And it was nobodys fault but mine. Maybe he was right. Maybe we shouldn't talk anymore. He doesn't need my crap in his life. I can't stand the thought that I've hurt him. I just dont know what to do with my life at this point. Maybe I should just walk around wiht my head down out of everybodys way. Just a sad lonely girl who never meant to hurt anyone and is hated anyways.
posted by Lauren 5/13/2005 02:17:00 PM
Thursday, May 12, 2005
It's weird. I feel like updating, but I have no fucking clue what to say. Theres so much stuff on my mind, but I really don't want to talk about it on here. But, I'm sure you can all guess what it's about.
The past two days have just been a total mess at work. Everything that could go wrong, pretty much did. I'm so sick of that job. With any luck, I'll be able to stay in Florida. ::crosses fingers::
I'm so incredibly tired. I had to go in early yesterday and close, then I had to get up this morning and open. UGH. I even got sleep last night and I'm still so fucking tired. I went to bed around 12 last night and woke up around 8:30 and I was soooooo exhausted. I would have killed to just get an hour or two more of sleep. But, No. Had to get up and go to that shit-shack they call a store. Oh well. I have tomorrow off...but tomorrow still isn't going to be fun.
Yeah, i gatta go to my grandfather's tomorrow. GAAAAAAH. I hate going over there. I HATE it. It's really so sad that I feel that way about my own grandfather, but la-de-frickin-da.
I made a new graphic today..A new Mark Tremonti graphic. And it's pretty freakin' sweet. lol. Now all I gatta do is get around to posting it, and changing the colors and everything on my lay-out. Possibly tomorrow. But it'll be pretty awesome when it's done :-D
My dad has totally been driving me out of my mind. I can't stand it. Honestly, I never knew one human being could be so fucking annoying as that man is. He constantly nags me and messes up my mind and just overall drives me CRAZY. He mess my mind up so much that I start to go crazy. At least it seems that way. Im getting to the point where I don't even wanna see him at all. I just wanna hide away in my room and not come out. Which is pretty much what I do anyways. I've just been so out of it lately. I haven't been myself at all.
The bottom line is, I need to talk to Angelo again. I haven't talked to him in about 2 weeks. ::sigh:: I'm so fucked.
posted by Lauren 5/12/2005 09:26:00 PM
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Heh, I do feel a lil better today. Last night I started feeling a little better too. My problem (like it always has been) is I get these random fucked up ideas in my head that just make me paranoid. I mean, in a way, I have every right to be paranoid. But yeah.
Today was a pretty good day. I went up to the mall and discovered that...HOT TOPIC OPENED!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOTT!!!!!!!! And on the way in, I saw Katie :-D. hehe! I'm SOO loving Hot Topic. I picked up a couple of buttons. LOL, I Love buttons. One says "I <3 Capt. Jack Sparrow", one is a KISS button, and the other one says "Drink Apple juice....Cause OJ will kill you" and it has a picture of a bronco on it. !LOL!!!! I thought that was HISTERICAL. So yeah, I went to lunch with James today. I thought I should spend some time with him because he's been feeling really shitty lately...Yeah, his Goddaughter died the other day. Please keep him in prayer. So then I went over to best buy...like I ussually do when I go up that way for fun...resisted the earge to buy the new Dave Cd...the new Rob Thomas Cd....and the new AC/DC 2DVD set that just came out....URRRRRGH. It's so hard going in there when you're poor....lol. I think I wanna get best buy credit card. LOL. :-D
Then I went over to pier 1 and got a present for Mel's Bridal shower on Sunday. yupyup. Then just went home and went on myspace for a while. I'm liking that community. found some pretty cool people.
American Idol was wicked awesome tonight!!! BO ROCKED THE HOUSE!!!!!! At first before watching this episode, I thought Anthony was gonna be the one to go this week. But now, after watching it, I honestly think It's gonna be Carrie. She really wasn't all that great. And honestly, I'm happy if it's her. Because if she goes, Bo will pretty much have no competition left...Anthony is NOT gonna beat Bo, and Neither is Vonzell. On a side note, John Stevens was in the audience tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEE!!!!!!! along with Jasmine, and LaToya from last year. JPL was in the audience a few weeks ago :-P.
I miss Adam terribly...:(, Haven't talked to him in a wicked long time. He's wicked busy though. But he does stop here on ocassion, so if you're reading this dude....HEY! WHATS UP?! miss ya and talk to ya soon, hopefully. :-D
Things w/ Angelo seem to be pretty fair at the moment. I wish things were how they used to be, but you can't go back. I guess thats all I can say about it without going into details that I don't wanna go into. I still love the kid to death and always will wether we're talking to each other or not.
Family Guy has been AWESOME! So incredibly funny. And American Dad has been alright too. nowhere near as good as Family Guy, but not bad. Aparently it hasn't been getting great reviews. Oh well. Family Guy still rules :-D
Anywhoo...I guess my time is up l8r gators.
posted by Lauren 5/10/2005 05:07:00 PM
Monday, May 09, 2005
::Sigh:: (that seems to be how I start a lot of my entries...kinda sad.)
Not doing too good right now...for a lot of reasons. I'm just a total fuck up. But thats another story. Trying to keep my head up, but its not easy. But I'll spare you the sob story. I know I'm a fucking baby and I'll just keep that to myself.
The past two days have just been HELL. work has sucked so much, and everything else has just sucked right on top of it. But whatever. Theres nothing I'm gonna do about it so I guess I just gatta ride it out untill I feel like myself again. Which may not be for a while.
Thankfully I have the day off tomorrow. With any luck, I'll be able to use the day to pull myself together.
Im just mad at so many things right now. I feel like I don't want to make anymore friends ever again because they always stab me in the back....then turn me around and stab me in the heart.
The good news is, I got my plane tickets for florida yesterday.
But thats about the only good news.
posted by Lauren 5/09/2005 09:38:00 PM
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Thats it. I'm so fucking through. Remind me to never make another friend again.
posted by Lauren 5/08/2005 11:55:00 PM
Saturday, May 07, 2005
funnyness of today:
sum1n33dzahug (11:44:00 PM): but this time bo needs to win or im like moving to canada
Whoser413 (11:44:09 PM): haha!!!
sum1n33dzahug (11:44:22 PM): and kidnapping bo, taking him with me, and starting canadian idol with him, and rigging it so he wins
sum1n33dzahug (11:44:34 PM): .............and then a lunch break
don't feel like updating today...pos tomorrow.
posted by Lauren 5/07/2005 11:45:00 PM
Thursday, May 05, 2005
::Sigh::
I guess I'm happy......I guess.......I honestly don't know how I feel right now. I guess I'm still a little depressed. I know everything is okay w/ Angelo and me. I honestly do. And I don't need re-assurance, I've just come to realize it. But this whole situation still sucks. I swear, I'm so fucking close to just buying a plane ticket and just going there. I mostly just miss how things used to be. I miss talking to him late at night and having my dad come in and yell at me at 2AM to quiet down. And I miss getting random messages durring my work day when I feel like shit just saying "hi" and "I luv you". I totally fucking miss those things more then anything. But unfortunatly, I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to deal with it. I swear, I feel like buying the next plane ticket the hell outta here. I told him that if we were as close as we are now, like, back when my dad was on vacation, I SOOO would have taken my own vacation out there behind my dad's back. My dad had no cellphone service, he never called me, it would have been the perfect time. It would have been totally worth all risks involved. And thats the God-honest truth. Oh my God, I would have SOOOOOOO done that in a heartbeat. I dunno. I think this is the most thing emotionally that I've ever had to deal w/ in my life. ::Sigh:: But who knows, maybe things will turn out better then I think.
Scott is FINALLY gone from American Idol....FINALLY. Thank God. I was getting soooo incredibly sick of him. Now, it's Bo from here on out. I have a feeling Anthony is gonna get kicked off next week. that TOTALLY sucks cuz I love him!!! lol. I don't care what anyone else says!!! :-P
So, tomorrows that day that I have to drive to my hair appointment....eeeeek! I took another trial run tonight and I think I've got it down. I hope so...eeeek!!!
Well....alrighty then...guess ill just lounge back and see if Angelo feels like talking tonight...it's probably been over a week since I talked to him on the phone last...probably the longest gap in a while.. :-(.
But yeah, remember to VOTE FOR THIS MAN RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!
THE NAME'S BO BICE!!! WOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!
posted by Lauren 5/05/2005 08:46:00 PM
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
all I have to say right now is.....
THANK YOU GOD.
posted by Lauren 5/04/2005 12:10:00 PM
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
::Sigh:: I just don't know. I honestly don't freakin' know. I think I've officially hit rock bottom. I don't think I've been so low in my entire life. I just haven't been myself lately. As much as I'm trying to hide it, I just haven't been myself. I've just been so freaking depressed about everything thats going on w/ Angelo. I keep telling myself that everything is okay now, but theres just something in my mind that says there isn't. I wish I knew what it was so I can fix it. I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm in way over my head. I haven't felt like doing anything in the past couple days. All I wanna do is sleep, read, and write in my journal. Thats all I've felt like doing. Ive eaten virtually nothing in the past 3 days or so. I mean, I'm hungry, but everytime I think about eating, my stomach feels sick. I'm mostly worried about my not eating thing. Im so freaking scared that I'm gonna become anorexic because of it. I don't wanna be anorexic, but I just can't get myself to eat. I think I need to talk to Angelo one more time. Just to make sure everything is okay. Sometimes I need a little re-assurance. I just hope it is. I mean, even if there was no possible way that we could be together ever in our lives, I just wanna be his friend. Thats all I can hope and ask for. I value our friendship more then anything. I just hope to God that I haven't fucked things up too badley.
posted by Lauren 5/03/2005 02:07:00 PM
Monday, May 02, 2005
Sorry no update in a couple days...but I honestly have had nothing to talk about.
Yesterday I got up at 7:30. Holy crap, I haven't seen 7:30 in a REALLY long time. lol probably since school ended. I got up cuz I wanted to take a shower and all that before Church. I'm gonna try to get to church every Sunday from now on. No more excuses. No more "being too tired" and all that. I'm gonna get up and go. I know I'm gonna sound like a total nutcase when I say this, but that time a few days ago when I was a mess and was praying for Angelo, it actually worked. (and I'm not gonna tell you how, otherwise I'll REALLY sound like a nutcase...) And I thought "hey, maybe theres something to this prayer thing". So yeah, I'm gonna try to get to church every Sunday from now on.
Had work yesterday too. Went straight from Church to work. lol, and let me tell you, I was really tired. Work was pretty busy....we didn't accomplish much, but it was busy. lol, gatta work tonight again. UGH. lol.
I got all my info from my school. All I gatta go is sign a few checks, and mail everything off and I'll be all set :-D. I'm so freakin' excited you have no idea. And the good news is, They sent a sample schedule in packet and it doesn't look like I'll be having class on Saturdays after all!! o_O so what does that mean?!?!? PARTY AT UNIVERSAL!!!! WOOOOOT WOOOT!!!!!! lol.
Downloaded a bunch of stuff Constantine did on American Idol.....UGH! i love him!! lol. I'm gonna add a page in my scrap book for all my American idols :-D. lol, I am a freak....to say the least. my Idols would be...:
Clay Aiken, John Stevens, Jon Peter Lewis, Constantine Maroulis, Bo Bice, and Anthony Federov. :-D! :-D!
I kind of wanna make a new layout...I wanna make a Constantine lay-out, but there aren't any pictures of him anywhere...except on the American idol website (theres TONS) but they're all copyrighted...so yeah, I don't wanna use them. I think I may just keep this same Mark Tremonti theme, and just change the pictures and colors around. Hm. I dunno, but I think this place is due for a change. I have ideas, but a really usefull thing right now would be to learn how to make the background color of tables a little transparent, so I could use a fixed background picture...That'd be kinda cool. I just learned the code for a fixed background and I haven't been able to really try it out yet. Hm. I'll think of something.
I LOVE DARREN'S CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got the American Idol single too...still gatta listen to it.
Should probably drop off my application for the Marriott before work today....
Hm. Can you tell I'm running out of stuff to say? Alrighty then. CIAO!!!
posted by Lauren 5/02/2005 10:32:00 AM
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