Wednesday, May 31, 2006
So much for being happy. I knew that wouldn't last long. Knew it from the very beggining. Everything just fell apart. I had the biggest scare of my entire life, I think I lost yet another friend, my dad is being horrible to me right now...etc, etc. It's amazing how much of a rollercoaster my life is. Only a few weeks ago I was happy again after being on the verge of suicide. Now I'm down in the dumps yet again. I don't know what it is about me and happiness, but for some reason it just doesn't want to find me. And when it does, It's almost like an April fool's day joke. On top of all this bullshit is the fact that I've been feeling really sick for what seems like forever. It's been about three weeks now. My stomach has just constantly been upset. At first I thought it was caffine overdose. And it probably was for a little while. Now I have no idea.
The good news is, Scott has managed to cheer me up, just like he always does. In fact, I'll even repeat one of the things he said to me..because it really did make me happy: "If he chose her over you, then there must be some screws loose..because you're awesome". Scott seems like the only real friend I have at the moment.
On another note, I should be seeing Dom on Friday. The keyword there is "should be". We're going to see X-men 3, and who knows what else we're doing. Honestly, I'm really nervous. I don't know what to expect out of this. I haven't seen him in like 3 months. But then again, who knows if our plans will even work out. Past couple times, they haven't, so, whatever. Seeing that he can't make any plans more then an hour before they actually happen.
Had an interesting night at work last night...but I don't feel like going into it. Maybe later or tomorrow.
Oh well, untill another pathetic entry, ill leave you all for now.
later.
posted by Lauren 5/31/2006 11:00:00 AM
Friday, May 26, 2006
(hello all...I was just wondering if you all who are reading this now could post a message in my tagboard on the extra stuff section, or comment on my myspace. just curious as to who my readers are..thanks :)
Okay, first things first.....TWO WORDS.....
SOUL PATROL!!!!!!!!!!!!
holy crap, I can't believe that Taylor actually won. Im still in total freakin' shock. I never thought it was possible for someone I actually like to win American Idol. Its insane. But Its such a great feeling. SOUL PATROL BABY!!!! WOOOOOOT!!!!!!
It was just a great night overall....because....this person was also on American Idol....
AHHH!!!! ITS CLAY!!!!!!! He looks like a Beatle now!!!!!!! He is sooo adorable like that. That moment was so priceless..they had this guy who "looked" like him who auditioned this year, and he was singing and making a fool out of himself, and while he was singing, Clay walks out in back of him..and when he turned and saw Clay, he totally flipped out! His face was PRICELESS, OMG. LOL! But seriously, Clay looks soooo cute now. Not that he didn't before, but really, come on! ^_~
Anywhoo...
I guess I'm in a little bit better mood then I was the last time I wrote in here. Still the same shit on my mind, but I've kind of pushed it to the side a little bit. Me and Scott have been talking on the phone like pretty much every night, and of course he always makes me laugh so that definatly helped my mood out a little bit. Been enjoying my days off anyways...for sure. The only thing is, they've been doing work around the condo at ungodly hours...like yesterday around lik 8, they were outside mowing the lawns...then today around the same time, They were jack hammering or some shit. I was so fucking pissed. All I wanted was to sleep!!! But I guess I can take a nap durring the way if I really want to...
I got hooked on this new site last night: youtube.com. Its a video site and you can add stuff to a folder and upload your own videos...its awesome. Found some great Goo Goo DOlls stuff..and they even have Improv all stars on there!!!!! that was the thing with all the Whose Line people that I couldn't see because it was on Pay per view or something!!! OMG I'm sooooo happy!!!!
Well anywhooo...guess I'm going to go get ready and pretend li ke I'm doing something today.... o_O later.
posted by Lauren 5/26/2006 01:09:00 PM
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Things have been going surprisingly well the past couple days. Its been nice to have everything running smoothly for a change. Well, mostly everything. The other night I closed with Rachel and she did absolutly jack shit. she cleaned a sink, and took out the trash and that was absolutly it. I did all the dishes, cleaned the espresso machine, wiped the tables and counters, put the chairs up, dumped the leftover coffee, and everything else. And she's the fucking supervisor. Grr. that makes me angry. But the good thing is that I don't work with her that much. But other then the fact that I've had to do a lot of the closing duties lately, It's still been really fun closing. James put Stephen Lynch over the stereo system the past couple nights and its Hilarious. And working with Heather and Matty and everyone else is just awesome. So yeah, works been going well.
Other then that, I've just been feeling a little down in the dumps. And again, I fucking hate to say this, but I really do miss Dom. I can't even begin to describe how much I miss him. I don't know, it just hit me in the past couple days. I have no idea why. Ive been totally fine for the past month or so, and all of a sudden I'm crying my eyes out again. I really want to see him again. But chances are that won't happen any time soon. Just because Ive kind of gotten the hint that he doesn't want to see me anymore. He just says he'll get back to me about stuff and never does. I know I should just drop this and let it go and move on with my life as best I can. But I just fucking can't.
I just wish I could have a special someone again. But I know it will most likely never happen again. Just because thats my luck, and people only want me as a friend and nothing more. Im so sick of being hurt and walked on and used by people. Its like people treat me as a toy that they eventually outgrow, sooner rather then later. I just dont know what I did to deserve it. I try to be nice to people and treat people how I want to be treated. But I just get all this shit thrown back at me. I never did anything to anyone. I was never mean to Dom. I was just myself. I never hurt his feelings. I thought I was a pretty decent girlfriend. This being my first serious relationship and all. But I get dumped for a stupid-shit reason....that he just wants me as a "friend"..and I'm even questioning that lately. I don't even think he wants me as a friend. I'm just a big nothing to him and everyone I come in contact with. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. But I wish I knew so I could stop doing it. Whatever. This is why I don't talk to people. this is why I don't make friends. Because I get hurt, walked on, and treated like shit from everyone. And for no fucking aparent reason. I don't know, maybe there is something wrong w/ me that I'm totally blind to. Maybe its because I'm not attractive..maybe people are so picky lately that they can't settle for someone whose just a good person and not that best looking. I don't know. I just don't fucking know. And I probably never will. My dad says I'm turning into a hermit. And I think he's right. Thats probably what I'm going to turn out to be. just someone who stays inside with no friends and only goes out to go to work. Yeah, that sounds like my life in the very near future. I'll be the old bitch that all the kids are affraid of.
*sigh*. I think I'll go lie down on a train track now.
posted by Lauren 5/24/2006 11:09:00 AM
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Wow did I get a super shock yesterday. It didn't turn out to be such a bad night after all. Even though I worked untill 12 midnight, and Rachel was there, It wasn't all that bad. Me and Carolyn rocked as far as closing went. We were so far ahead of everything. It was just awesome. We ended up finishing around 11:45, which is unheard of...considering that when there was like 10 of us there it still took an hour (or more) to finish closing. But yeah, it was really nice working with Carolyn, and Rachel wasn't around the cafe for a lot of the time..and hell, even Matty was being pleasent. lol. He actually complimented me too..he said I have very pretty eyes. :) awwww. lol. I also went around and sampled a little bit yesterday...first time I ever got to do that because Matty ussually does it when he can. I just hope tonight goes as well as yesterday did. And with ANY amount of luck, it won't be busy......I know it will be, but I'm hoping. And one other thing...not to brag, lol, but I made a kick ass raspberry mocha kiss yesterday. lol ^_~
So yeah...most you probably know what the deal is with American Idol right now...Its exactly how I predicted it. Not how I wanted it, but I knew it was going to turn out like this. I had a feeling Eliott wasn't going to last after Wednesday. But I would have rathered him any day then Katherine. And whats probably going to happen, is Katherine is going to win. Ya know why? because I want Taylor, and It never goes in my favor. lol. I'm not even getting my hopes up this year, because Im going to get screwed again....Oh well, at least he'll have an album out. Katherine doesn't even deserve to be there..It should be Chris, and If she had any amount of heart she would have droped out of the show and brought Chris back. Grrr. lol, this show always gets me so insane and I still watch it...why?!?
Exactly one week from today, Goo Goo Dolls tickets go on sale. And you better believe that I'm getting some. Thankfully, Scott agreed to go with me....simply because I don't know anyone else besides my dad that would. But yeah, its at Mohegan Sun...I have a feeling thats gonna be a great time.. ^_^. AH! I can't wait to see my Goo's again!!!!!!
Well anywhoo...I know this is kind of a short entry, but not much more to really talk about...so yeah, I guess I'll bounce outta here. Later :)
posted by Lauren 5/20/2006 12:04:00 PM
Friday, May 19, 2006
The cafe actually hasn't been all that bad. Its been really slow for the most part which is good...that gives me time to look over the resource book and try to memorize how to make some of the drinks. But yeah, it hasn't been all that bad....One night was, but let's not go into that. The only thing I don't really like is how there is a bit of favoritism there. For instance, The same people get stuck closing every night. Not that I really want to get up early, but still, it would be nice to have an evening free every now and then. Yeah, the two new girls get the best hours. And that fucking sucks But the good news is, I get two days off in a row next week. Woooot! but that means of course, that I'll be stuck working the entire fucking weekend GRRR.
Yesterday was an interesting day. Me and Scott hung out. Pretty much wandered around Manchester aimlessly for a while. Then I came home for a bit and took my mom out to dinner. Yeah, a belated mother's day present. Then I came home and watched "Waiting..." (which is an awesome movie btw.....) And later on got an IM from Bill telling me that his car was stolen from the Borders parking lot. Yeah, that really fucking freaked me out. But he's okay..nobody like tried to kill him or anything. Needless to say, I'll be using my club from now on. I think it mostly rattled me because I know Bill has been really tense lately and I didn't want him to go insane or anything. I guess I was more worried about him then anything else.
I don't know..I've just been feeling very weird lately. Ive been tempted to quit my job on more then one ocassion. I just don't think my heart is in it. I need something more out of life. I want some excitement and I want to be happy. And right now, neither of those things describe me. I know I'm still young and have plenty of time left (theoretticlly) but I guess I just want to be happy for once in my life.
On top of all this bullshit running through my head, (as much as I would never want to admit it) I still really miss Dom. Looking for bad things from our relationship was totally stupid. I just miss everything. I miss having someone around to be with and who loves me. But whatever. I'm totally giving up. I don't have the energy for it anymore. Everytime something good happens to me I get screwed. So whats the best way to not have to deal with that bullshit anymore? Not be in any relationships and just end it all. So thats probably what I'm going to do. I'd rather be alone then go through what I've been through again.
Of course right after I'm extremely happy for once, I get knocked down and stomped on. Why can't life be good to me for once?!?!?!?!? WHY?! I'm sick of being miserable, un happy, unloved and everything negative. Fuck this shit. seriously Fuck it.
posted by Lauren 5/19/2006 11:58:00 AM
Monday, May 15, 2006
Well, another day, another dollar. Thats pretty much what it boils down to. Today is opening day for Seattle's Best. And I'm less than thrilled about it. I hope we're not swamped with people...because theres no way in hell I'm going to be able to dish out everyones drinks in any mannor that even resembles "quick". Hopefully I'll be on registers and not on bar. UGH this is gonna suck so bad. I don't even want to think about it. Although, they did give me my quarter back from before when I worked at the express.... so I guess thats good.
Didn't do much of anything this weekend. On Friday, I came home and just chilled. Saturday I went to visit my mom for a while, and went around with her. Then Sunday I just stayed in and relaxed untill later when I went to Duncin Donuts with Zack to hang out for a bit. Was a relaxing weekend. I wasn't really up for doing a whole lot...seeing that damn training that we had to do really fucked me up.
Seriously, on Friday I was really ready to quit. Everyone was just pissing me off to no end and I had just about had it. We had our test to get certified and I seriously thought I was going to fail. I screwed up so many times. But I guess it didn't really matter because I passed. Probably not by much though. It's so fucking stupid that you have to get "certified" to work at a stupid bookstore cafe. Everything was fine before, and now they had to go fuck everything up by changing to Seattle's best. Stupid shit company.
I seriously need to go back to school or something. I need a career instead of these dead-end jobs I keep taking. I don't know what school I would go to though. The only one I was ever interested in going to costs over 30,000 a year. Yeah Even with loans and financial aid and everything else, theres still no way in hell I'll be able to afford that...EVER. And honestly, I can't see myself sitting in a classroom again. Thats why Im looking into going to school online. You get the same degree, I'd still be able to work, and Id also be able to go at my own pace and learn things how I'm comfortable learning them. Instead of relying on some teacher who supposidly knows what they're doing to teach me something useful. I don't know, right now I think I have to get settled in my job and have a steady income before I make any move in that direction.
But yeah, things have been a little on the down side the past week or two. But Im trying to keep a smile on my face. The only problem with that is, everytime try to do that, things get worse. I don't know. I guess I have faith that things will get better. Maybe something good will actually happen to me for once.
Well, Im out. time to get ready. L8r all.
posted by Lauren 5/15/2006 11:52:00 AM
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
I will admit, today was a whole hell of a lot better then yesterday. As far as working with everyone went. I didn't get many weird looks from people when I actually did talk, so I guess that was a step in the right direction. Although the actual training sucked ass. Seriously, they made it sound all different then what we were doing before. It's not different....At all. Except for a few things. But most of that has to do w/ the way the new machines work and how we clean up and all that. Whoop de-frickin' do. We really need an entire shift on how to make a latte...when It's the same fucking thing we were doing before. And honestly, no offense to Seattle's best, but I liked the old coffee a lot better. Although I haven't pin-pointed it being the actual coffee, or the new way we're steaming the milk. Because all the foam on the top is really thick and its honestly a little nasty. *shrugs* I don't know...Its hard to say. The flavorings are hell of a lot better at any rate. But today was just better overall, even though I was extremely tired and it was a shitty day outside, I was definatly having more fun then yesterday. Ugh. Now all thats left is Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday to get through.....
After work, went out to dinner w/ Scott. Went to 99 in Vernon. Was wicked good. After that, decided to call it a night and come home and curl up on my couch and watch american Idol....
Which was AWESOME btw...Elvis night was totally TOTALLY awesome. Except for Katherine anyway. Her first performance was actually a combination of "Hound dog" and "all shook up" which was Soooo stupid. They she made up this shitty excuse as to why she did that...like Elvis's songs don't have enough variety or something...Umm...yeah right...Elvis has more variety then a lot of singers have ever had. He has gospel, upbeat, ballads...he did it all. Whatever. She's a bitch. The one who REALLY surprised me was Elliot. He sang "Trouble" which was AWESOME. He redeamed himself from his first song which was "if I can dream" and that wasn't so hot...but Trouble was really great. Im still hoping for Chris and Taylor in the top 2.
I'm a little worried about my taste in music lately...seriously. Some of the stuff I've been listening to is a little creepy. I found myself yesterday downloading Stevie Nicks....Holy shit. lol whats up with that?!?! Im still listening to Billy Idol constantly though. :-P LOVE HIM..but Stevie Nicks is a little scary. But Eh, she's not that bad! Never thought I would ever be listening to her..And Lindsay Lohan CANNOT sing "Edge of Seventeen" No matter how much she wants to. Also been listening to Rob Thomas a lot more lately. Not that I never listening to Matchbox 20 at all..I mean, they're one of my favorite bands...but I never believed in lead singers going solo..But he really is awesome. Theres this one song called "I am an illusion" thats AWESOME. Its one of those songs I dance to when no one is around. LOL ;-) ^_^
Watched a really good movie...St. Elmo's Fire. Yes, its another one of those corny eighties movies, but seriously its AWESOME its not your typical eighties movie...It has a really awesome message in it and its one of those "feel good" movies. I HIGHLY reccomend it.
Anywhoo...time to get ready for bed...another early wake-up call tomorrow... goodnight :)
posted by Lauren 5/09/2006 09:16:00 PM
Monday, May 08, 2006
New layout!! whatcha think?!?! Personally, I love it. I love the colors and how it all matches..and its just awesome. lol. Im just hoping the main graphic is working because I was having some issues with it earlier. Its amazing how much html I remembered after not doing anything with it for so long.. Let me know if its not showing up.
Today at work was a whole lot of ups and downs. Woke up this morning wicked and insanely tired. Did not want to get up for anything. I didn't even stay up late last night..I was just tired. No idea what got into me. Anywhoo...got up, showered and got ready, and got to work not wicked early for once. Which was good because I'm sick of sitting in my car waiting for the time to go by so I can punch in. Saw Scott briefly and he gave me my Lewis Black DVD's back. Glad to spread good comedy onto people. lol. Anywhoo...Today was "set up the cafe" day. Which was mostly alright. But honestly, I just felt like I was so fucking stupid. It takes me forever to do things because my brain can't compute anything in a reasonable amount of time..I have to stand there and stare at all this shit for forever before I can make out in my head what to do. I don't know..maybe I have some un diagnosed disability or something. But the worst part is people treat me like I'm absolutely worthless too. Everytime the Seattle's best lady (Leah) gave me something to do, it was like "Move these plates from here, to here." Alllllrighty then. I just felt so useless and stupid. Everyone else had all these important jobs and I was just a stand-by. Not to mention that I still haven't made any friends there besides Bill. I think I figured out why I haven't talked to anyone yet. Because when I do talk, everyone looks at me like I'm stupid. I just don't fit in with anyone and its aweful. I can't even tell you how many times I said "I want to quit" in my head today. I just feel so out of place now. I've been trying to keep a smile on my face and say Its not all bad, but Its just not really working. I can't wait till this week is over. Training is going to suck just because I'm probably not going to remember how to make anything. I'll be too confused from before we remodeled. Ugh. I don't know what to think about this at this point.
Have I ever mentioned that I'm sick of being lied to? Well, I am. I keep getting lied to from one person in general and Its just bugging the crap out of me. Saturday night I asked Dom if he wanted to go for a walk at the center and talk for a little while. I do feel like we have some unresolved issues. And I hate having anger between me and anyone. I just want everything to be cool. I don't want anyone mad at me, and I don't want to be mad at anyone. So yeah, back to what I was talking about. He said he could probably get together after he got out of work and he would let me know. umm...Yeah right? He's done this so many freakin times I can't stand it. I talked to him about it later and he said He was tired from work and yadda yadda yadda. Well guess what? I don't care! its a simple 2 second phone call or text message telling me you can't make it. You don't leave someone hanging like that. I don't know, maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I like it when people have curtisey(sp?) .
I don't know. Im trying to keep a firm grasp on reality here, but my weird mind just takes over. I'm so sick of all this bullshit. I know everything will be fine eventually. And I mean, completely fine. I do have faith. I'm just a little sick of being treated like crap by mostly everyone at work except for Bill. He's the only one whose nice enough to ask me how I'm doing and actually gives a shit. I could fall off a ladder and crack my skull in half and no one would care but him. Damn, Why am I always a shadow on the wall and nothing else?
My grandma got into a car accident today. Nothing serious. But I guess she bumped her head when it happend and she went to the hospital to get checked out. From what my dad tells me, she's alright. I'm hoping. The last thing I need right now is for something to happen to my grandma.
Well, I guess thats all the ranting bullshit I can dish out for one day. I'll be surprised if anyone actually read this whole thing. Ciao for now.
posted by Lauren 5/08/2006 09:09:00 PM
Saturday, May 06, 2006
As per-ussual, things didn't work out exactly how I wanted to. But seriously, Minus some shit thats going on at home, I'm so happy. I kind of hit a dry spell for a few days this week just because some stupid shit was getting to me. I was just a little bit down in the dumps...I don't really know what got over me...I was just feeling like I didn't fit in with anyone at work and I was a little depressed about that. But I kind of realized that its my fault if I don't talk to anyone. Honestly, Its so hard for me to talk. I don't know why. I've always been like that as long as I can remember. But I really need to make a serious effort to talk and get along with people otherwise I'm going to be miserable for as long as I work there. We started training yesterday. It sucks ass. Lol. the lady from Seattle's best is such a f*cking ditz I can't stand it. It's not that she's not nice or anything, she's just a ditz. And it's pretty much like being back at school. We have a book thats very similar to a text book and theres questions and everything in it that we have to answer. It's so boring..and just like being back at school, I find myself totally zoning out durring it. Most of it is bullshit anyways. I honestly don't care where coffee comes from.. I have a vaigue idea, thats enough. I know, I sound so frickin' negative. But Its just so BORING. Monday we're setting everything up in the cafe and doing more training. I'm guessing we're finally going to learn how to make all their drinks..I'm wondering how much different its going to be. I'm just a little pissed that I had to learn everything before and now I have to learn it all over again. Hopefully it wont be too much different. Just because I'm going to be confused as all hell.
Speaking of work...Got a bunch of early/long days next week... I don't know how I'm gonna survive it.
Got two presents to buy... Something for my mom for mother's day, and a birthday present for Bill. I know what I want to get for Bill, but he told me not to get him anything. I'm still debating on wether or not I'm going to..I do want to..but hmmmm. No freakin' idea of what to get my mom...NOOOO idea what-so-ever. Guess I'll just take her to dinner or something.
But anywhoo...
Yeah, life is pretty good. I'm really happy with everything. If I was in Florida right now life would be perfect. Speaking of Florida, I was thinking about calling Tony last night, but for some reason I didn't. probably too nervous. lol. But I really would love to talk to him again. Should give Larkin a call too.
This week is Elvis week on American Idol!!!!! wooooooot!!!! From what I understand, they're actually in Graceland right now seeing everything. I'm so fucking jealous. And I'm jealous of Bill because he actually lived there. I'll go there someday ^_^.
I might see Dom tonight...Im a little nervous...Just because I don't want us to start arguing or anything..I don't think we would, but just something on my mind...eeeeeep. It'll be so fucking weird to be hanging out w/ him and not cuddling or holding hands or anything. So fucking weird. I think I've only seen him once or twice since we broke up...
I can't believe its May already. This year has gone by soooooo incredibly fast! I mean, only 4 months untill my birthday! Big 20..... It'll feel weird to not be a teenager anymore. No idea what I'm gonna do..if anything. I'm definatly doing something for my 21st...Probably go to Vegas with a bunch of friends for a few days. ;)
Still no new layout...lol, Im such a slacker.
Ooooooh yeah, I got my DSL set up!!!! and Right now I'm kicking myself for not getting it sooner. It's soooooooo much faster and soooooo much better then AOHELL. It took me like a half hour(if that) to hook up the little box and that was that. So, right now Im enjoying some super fast downloads ^_^. And I really regret not getting it sooner.
Anywhoo...time to get out of here. Going to get some errands done before it gets too late. see ya all. :-P
posted by Lauren 5/06/2006 06:48:00 PM
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
I can't really describe whats going on right now. Im sort of just existing with many different emotions pushing in on me. I'm happy, sad, frustrated, dissapointed, angry, fabulous, excited, and everything in between. I want to burst into tears, but my smile is a mile and a half wide. In many ways, I've the happiest that I've ever been in my entire life. I'm seeing the world in a way I've never seen it before. I'm realizing that I'm not a hopeless lost cause that I've thought for so long. I'm just so happy. And Its all happend so quickly. But It feels so incredible. I can't even begin to describe it. At this point, the happiness has almost completely covered up everything negative, which (has to do with my dad mostly) will never end anyways. I love my life right now. I absolutly love it. And the reason being is I know that I'm loved. And I have total faith that it will never end no matter what happens. For once in my 19, almost 20 years of life, I feel loved, wanted and accepted. I've never felt that way before. Not even from my own parents and family. My family just kind of treats me like I'm not around. I'm just kind of a shadow that they're forced to talk to every once in a while. Even though I love all of them to death, Its a mystery why I still feel that way. I've never done anything to hurt anyone that I know of, but people have a way of just not being nice to me and treating me like total shit. But Lately, I have this warmth that says everything is fine. In the shortest amount of time, my eyes have opened up so much. I'm thinking more clearly then I've ever thought before. Im more logical. Even though I've always been a good common sense person, I'm just amazed by how clearly I'm thinking. Everything is so great, and I know it always will be no matter what crosses my path. Yes, things will get tough ocassionally, but ya know what? At this point, I've been through so much there is nothing I can't handle. Ive been on the verge of killing myself over the stupidest shit and its time to tighten myself up. I want things to continue how they are. I don't want to give up over something negative that may or may not happen. Despite all the bullshit and everything I've dealt with, I have a feeling this is a real thing. I have complete faith and I don't want to give up. I want to continue being happy if it feels right. And it does. It feels more right then anything I've ever experienced no matter how small. Ive never been so comfortable with anything in my life. Looking back, Ive made some serious mistakes out of being desperate. And I know I would never ever think this way. Ive done things to fill that empty hole inside me that was missing for forever. And yes, It did fill it. But, It dug itself right back again. This time, The hole is filled, and its filled for good. I now know I'm appreciated and I'm not going un-noticed. I have no reason to feel bad about myself because I know that I'm loved no matter what anyone else says or thinks. No matter how strange or insane or crazy people think I am, I know I'm awesome. Granted, I've been told I'm awesome before and I've realized later that it was a total lie. Because people who think I'm awesome would still be interested in seeing me and hanging out with me and not be weird and say they'll get back to me about something and never do. But I've totally put those people out of my mind. Its over and done with and I'm not going back.
Okay that must have been weird. Reading that and having no idea what the fuck is going on and why I'm saying everything I am. But I needed to say something...even if I didn't go into detail. However, I can always some up everything with lyrics. I don't know, I'm just like that. Can relate anything to a song. And that song is "Let Love in" by the Goo Goo Dolls...off their new album which kicks some serious ass by the way.
"You're the only one Ive ever believed in..the answer that could never be found...the moment you decided to let love in. Now I'm banging on the door of an angel...The end of fear is where we begin..The moment we decide to let love in"
In other words, I think things have nowhere to go but up, and I dont want to lose something that could have been just because of something that may happen.
posted by Lauren 5/02/2006 09:04:00 PM
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