Friday, June 30, 2006
I just bought the book of all books today. I was looking at it and I'm like "I HAVE to get this....its not an option." And it really wasn't. It's this huge freakin' book..I guess put out by the rock and roll hall of fame. It's a year-by-year book about Rock and Roll...from the fifties till like 2002. It tells all of the number one hits that year, and so much more. I was originally going over to that section on my break to check out that gigantic elvis book that I may get with my Borders rewards money...but this one caught my eye and I was in awe while I was looking through it..So yeah, now its mine. And I'll be up all night flipping through it. and I'm sure my dad will want to have a look at it too :-P It's just way too awesome for words.
Today was mostly alright...work was work. So much bullshit going on w/ Rachel though...she's just completely lost her mind. But I won't go into that...because lets face it....you're not interested. As much as I like working mornings and getting out at 4 so I have the rest of the day free, I still would like to sleep in. LOL. I wake up completely exhausted all of the time because I'm not used to going to bed early to prepare for waking up early. Oh well.....
Well, I have a LITTLE bit more money then I thought I did....not a whole lot, but a little bit....and a little bit is better then none...
I figured out what I'm going to try to do when I get a little bit more money. I'm going to go to Bartending school. It just kind of hit me one day. I love the bar atmosphere, and I love making drinks. It's pretty much what I do now, but with alcohol...and better setting other then a bookstore. I just want to have a career instead of taking a dead-end retail job. And I do want to go back to some sort of school. But the problem is there are so any things that I'm interested in I can't decide on one thing. I mean, I already know what I want to do with my life. I want to act and direct and make movies. However the chances of that happening in a timely mannor is unlikely. So, I definatly need something to fall back on. I'm interested in so many things though....Psychology, writing and lit, graphic design, animation pretty much everything with computers.. and even things like photography, drafting..architecture...all that stuff. *sigh* all of it I love. I just wish I could make up my mind. I don't know, If I think about it, I'm sure I can narrow it down.
I'm so antsy at the moment...I just want to get up and do something...unfortunatly, it's almost 10 o'clock and there is nothing to do, and no one to do anything with.
I've had some inspiration lately...for pictures mostly. However, I haven't had the time to make them a reality. Hmph.
Going to visit Jay on Monday after work...it's a long drive. But, I'll do it. I guess the remainder of the money I have is going to go in my damn gas tank. Have to drive to Manchester, and then all the way to Terryville which is atleast a half hour. It'll probably be an hour in the car total.
Theres this monologue I would really love to film...it's from the movie "25th Hour" with Edward Norton. It's completly offensive in every sense of the meaning of the word "offensive". It's vulgar, and everything in between. But it's incredibly powerful. And I can totally see myself acting it out. And yea know whats interesting? the girl who played Naturel in that movie is the girl who played Mimi in RENT. Didn't know that untill I looked up the movie. I should watch that movie again sometime.
I'm getting my haircut on Thursday..I'm so freakin' excited. It's getting impossible to handle again.
Anywhoo...guess thats all my rambling...l8r.
posted by Lauren 6/30/2006 09:14:00 PM
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
(Just to warn you all ahead of time, I have a feeling this could be a lengthy entry. Because for once in my life, I do have a lot to say. lol)
Been meaning to update the past few days and just haven't gotten around to it. On Monday I was ready to come home and write one of those "Ya know what really grinds my gears" entries. LOL. And who knows, that may come along in this entry. :-P But Anywhoooo....
Monday Monday....la-la-lalalala...can't trust that day.....lol. sorry. I'll continue now.
So yeah. Monday was an amazing day. Seriously. lol. The best day I've had in a while. I was in pure bliss. Went to work, blah blah blah. That was annoying. But anywhoo. Later, went up to the mall and had the most amazing time. Not going into details, but all I can say is "WOW". Then got a phone call from Scott while I was at the mall and he asked me if I wanted to hang out for a bit and get ice cream..So I shoot up there and of course Im in a fabulous mood so I was raving to him about that and just feeling awesome. :)
Ya know what really grinds my gears? Connecticut drivers. Seriously. The majority of the people on the road have no fucking clue what they're doing or even where they are or where they're going. Monday was definatly "cut Lauren off on the highway" day. Left and right everyone was cutting me off. I was getting so pissed off. That, and people wait untill the last possible second to merge onto the highway. So that makes me look like an ass because I'm right next to these people and they have to get over, when in reality they could have moved over back at the beggining off the on-ramp! People going slow as fuck is another thing that pisses me off. It's the highway!!! You can go more then 35 miles an hour!! I was stuck behind some asshole on the way home from work the other day who was going literally 35 miles an hour. I know, because thats how fucking fast I was able to go being stuck behind this bitch. Of course everyone in back of me was going around so I couldn't go around. Finally was able to gun it past the bastard after a bit. Another thing that pisses me off is how a lot of drivers aren't considerate to other drivers and pedestrians. If I'm in traffic and I see someone who needs to change lanes, I'll let them over. Or even just letting someone go in front of you. Is it really that big of a deal?!? Also, when Its raining or snowing or really cold out, Let a pedestrian fucking cross the street. It's raining for crying out loud! You're in a nice dry car while they're outside getting soaked! grrr....
Work has been a bitch and a half. I fucking hate Christina. She doesn't know how to make the fucking schedule right. Stupid bitch. Thank goodness Mellissa is on vacation this week. At least I dont have to deal with her.
I'm so fucking broke. I had my car insurance bill, car tax bill, cable bill, cellphone bill, and all my general expenses this month. When all of those checks clear, I'll have literally about 20 bucks to my name...if that. I'm not even stretching the truth here.
So yeah, I've decided to change my lifestyle a little bit. Since I've gotten this fulltime job, I've let some of the habits I developed before kind of slide. So....I decided that I'm not going to be a lazy son of a bitch and start going to the gym every day after work. Or, get my lazy ass up early and go in the morning before work. Which may work out better because I really am not in the mood to do much after work. But that means I'll have to get up at like....4:30 to be at the gym for five...work out for an hour, and shower so I can be at work for 8. Ugh. Doesn't sound all that fun. Also, went health food shopping. Got a bunch of health food to bring to work with me so I'm not subjected to the stuff thats around there thats pretty much "death on a plate" as Laura put it. I found myself at Wild Oats last night buying vegie burgers, meatless lasagna, and other stuff like that. I'm not turning vegetarian..but actually my main goal was to just get food without all that bullshit in it like preservatives and chemicals and all. Thats just discusting that we eat all the stuff when you think about it...*shivvers* So yeah, all of that is definatly changing, in hopes to be a little bit healthier. Although, I'm getting back on my coffee kick....Ugh, help me!! I need to lose the habit. lol. It's like quitting smoking. Just can't do it. Even though I've never started smoking, so I've never had to quit before..but the point is, its difficult. LOL.
Well, I wanted to write more...But I guess it's going to have to wait...I have to get in the shower and get ready for bed. Back to work tomorrow....JOY.
posted by Lauren 6/28/2006 10:43:00 AM
Saturday, June 24, 2006
*Sigh* Life has been about average the past couple days. Nothing terribly exciting. I went to breakfast with Rick on Wednesday. Was good to catch up with him again. I've also made it to church the past 2 weeks! Im extremely happy about that. I'm just hoping my streak will last....I think I really need it to at this point.
Also went out with Scott on Wednesday :)
Despite his intention of being funny with this statement, Dane Cook actually said something on his latest CD (which is called "Retaliation" by the way...go buy it...now) that couldn't be more true. He said, that its funny how when you're single, everyone else falls in love and you're left alone. That couldn't be more true. At least for me. Now that I'm single, all my friends have girlfriends or boyfriends. I mean, I'm happy for them, but I honestly don't want to hear about how great things are going and how much you love that person. Especially when I have nobody to come home to at night. As much as I don't want to admit it, life was so much easier when I was with Dom. It was hard for things to get to me because I knew he was always there. Although, the best advice he really ever gave me was "get over it". But I guess it was just the fact that he was always around that was just so comforting. I remember one time he went to New York for a weekend or something and I just felt so sad. Actually, every time he was gone I felt sad. Now I'm just really confused. I don't know wether to stay out of the game or continue to put forth the effort into trying to find someone else. Maybe what it boils down to is I just need more of a life.
You know what really grinds my gears? When people have bad grammar. It's mostly when people use the wrong form of the word "Your" or "There" Like, they say "Your cool" instead of "You're cool". I mean, seriously, when did we learn about that?? Third grade??? I'll admit I'm not always the best of spellers, but that just pisses me off.
My birthday is coming up...in about 2 months. I can't believe I'm going to be 20. I wonder what I'm going to do...probably nothing. It's 21 that I want to have a big celebration....^_^ Hehehehe.
So yeah...Bill came into Borders yestserday. And let me tell you, I felt so awkword. I was literally shaking while I was making his drink. I wanted to talk, just to make small talk, but words just couldn't form in my mouth. My stomach was just churning the whole time he was in the cafe. Tried to play it off like everything was cool of course failing miserably, and Im sure he noticed that I was a wreck. Not that it wasn't good to see him again, I guess I just wasn't thinking clearly. I'm so worried though. I'm worried that he's going to leave, and I'll never see or hear from him again. I know he's never going to let me come visit him in Boston. Not after everything thats happend. Even though I've screwed things up pretty badly, I just hope I don't lose him as a friend.
Not a lot going on in the coming days...although sometime next week I'm probably going to take a little drive up to Terryville to visit Jay for a bit :). Haven't seen him in.....well, a while. And then of course on July 7th, Hannah and I and possibly a few other people, are going to see Pirates 2! Can't wait... Remind me to get my tickets online AS SOON AS THEY ARE AVAILABLE!!!
Anyways, I have to go hit the shower and get ready for a fun-filled night working. Joy.
posted by Lauren 6/24/2006 11:57:00 AM
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
So, I had a really weird dream last night. I don't remember too much about it, But this is the gist. I was at a Goo Goo Dolls concert at this really small venue that was aparently in New Haven somewhere. This place doesn't exist, but in my dream, thats where it was. So anyway, Instead of being with Scott like my upcoming Goo Goo Dolls concert, I was with Bill. So we were walking around trying to find our seats, and when we do, they're pretty far back. Not a lot of people were at this concert so they decided to let everybody move up as far as they could. And we ended up near the front in the center. All the while, they're playing their songs, and John has the hairstyle he had back in the 80's...when it was really long, like down to the middle of his back and really shaggy. I looked up "concert" in my dream dictionary..because that seemed to be the best theme....
Concert To dream that you are at a concert, represents harmony and cooperation in a situation or relationship of your waking life. You are experiencing an uplift in your spirits
huh. I hope thats true....that'd be nice. So anyways, my dream continues, and we're watching the concert and all of a sudden I turn around and Bill isn't there. And I get scared thinking "where the hell is he?" and start looking around franticlly for him and I can't find him...then my dream ended. I hope that last part isn't significant in some way..... Or possibly thats the relationship its talking about... *shrugs* I don't know how true any of this is...but I think its interesting.
My mood has gotten a lot better. Despite the fact that Mellissa was on my case at work today, and Rachel left me this bullshit note in my mailbox like she's somebody. I'm so fucking greatful that I dont have to work with either one of them hardly at all. Although I've been working with Laura every day which is almost as bad.
All I know is, I really hate love. It's so great when I have it, but its done nothing but kill me recently. I know it shouldn't be. Because reality is, it took me 19 years to get a boyfriend. I figure it'll take me another 19 years to get another one. Thats just reality and I should accept it as such. But it just kills me that I'm still single. Even though I've only been single for about three months. I guess It was just so good that I don't want to let it go ever. But regardless of that bullshit, I am seriously so greatful to have Scott as a friend. He's the only person I can be truely open with and know that he'll never think any less of me regardless of what it is. He calls me at random times which I love..even if I did get a call from him at like 2am (and had to be at work at 9) but was too drowsy to answer. But yeah, he called me this afternoon and was like "I just felt like calling you". And he knows he can talk to me about anything as well. And, he does talk to me. That makes me feel great. Just because It feels good to know that I can be relyed on by one person at least. I'm really glad that I've gotten to spend more time w/ him then previously because we started working together. He never fails to make me laugh and its just been awesome lately. I don't know if I'm wrong to say this, but he's definatly my best friend.
Tomorrow I'm going to breakfast with Rick. Should be good to catch up with him again. :)
ah. a nice day off tomorrow. Thats awesome. lol.
Anywhoo. I guess I'm going to go run a few errands. untill next time....
posted by Lauren 6/20/2006 05:18:00 PM
Saturday, June 17, 2006
I need a vacation. Like seriously bad. Just a little bit of time to go back to Florida, go to Pleasure Island, EVERY NIGHT and totally let loose. I want to go to EVERY Disney park, on all the rides, and hell, I'd even be willing to deal with the sunburn. And who knows, depending on how ambitious I got, I'd even take a taxi to Universal, go to the park, and go back to City Walk. And of course, make a trip up to Daytona for a little bit, stay at the Desert Inn, hit the dog track, bell-aire plaza, Saporros, and that new little outdoor mall they put up down the street, go boogie boarding every morning, and of course chill with Josh the DJ by the pool. Wow. That seriously sounds incredibly awesome. I shouldn't tease myself like that. Only makes more of a reality out of the fact that I'm stuck working at Borders for the summer with no vacation in sight. Hopefully, with any amount of luck, I'll be able to get out to Rhode Island and hit John's beach house for a weekend at least. And if that doesn't happen, maybe Scott will let me come over and use his hot tub more often then not. LOL. But I guess a vacation would be a bad idea about now...only because I'm trying to save money to move out ASAP, not to mention the fact that I'll probably go back to school.
I got Taylor's single.....AWESOMENESS. Can't wait for his album.
Also can't wait for the Goo Goo Dolls concert....but you already knew that.
I still miss Dom. Ive been thinking about him way too much lately. But, you already knew that too.
I still ahve to finish watching "the Pianist". Its a really good movie...but for some reason, Scott keeps interrupting me while I'm watching it. LOL.
Tonight is gonna be movie marathon night...no questions asked.
Tomorrow I'm gonna go to church, and spend the rest of the day reading..and if I get ambitious, go to the gym...unless of course Scott calls me. LOL.
Anywhoo...guess I'm gonna go get ready for work. And I get to work with Rachel for three hours. fun fun fun.
posted by Lauren 6/17/2006 12:29:00 PM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Ugh...thats all I have to say right now. I'm convinced that about 3 out of the 5 people I work with are completely insane and just out of it. My supervisor, Rachel, is totally off the wall and it's starting to piss me off. I mean, she's a nice person when its not work related. But unfortunatly, I do work with her. Her and Laura must have been so fucking bored yesterday. I opened this morning and came in to find all this random shit that they (Rachel and Laura) "invented" and I guess were serving to customers. Like Non-fat whipped cream. What the fuck?! and thats not even the best part....black cherry whipped cream. I'm guessing instead of using vanilla syrup, they used black cherry syrup to make it. I really hope they were not giving that to customers. We're going to get in so much trouble. If its not on the menu, we can't do it. Plain and simple. And its against SBC policy to do that. Rachel claimed that it was "taking initiative. Yeah fucking right. Thats just being retarted. (Pardon my language, but I can't think of another way to put it) Also, since we're out of iced tea, Rachel "took initiative" and was giving customers our hot tea, but making it iced. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but hot tea is not supposed to be made iced. Especially ours...because we have all those funky flavors. And we were specificlly told not to do that. Yeah. All I know is, I'm going to have a talk with Heather about all this bullshit and suggest that we have a meeting to make sure we're all on the same page. Because the way I see it right now, we're not even on the same radar screen. I think me and Hannah and Carolyn (and ocassionally Stacey...whose probably leaving) are the only sane ones left...and I think it's pretty sad when I'm considered sane. Lol.
I was supposed to get my hair cut today. I switched my shift with Laura and everything was fine. Then I asked her on Tuesday if everything was still alright. We filled out the paperwork and everything...and She fucked me over. She said that because they cut hours and re-did the schedule and they hadn't switched our sifts on the new schedule (probably because Christina didn't know) that she assumed we didn't get "approved" for it and made plans for Thursday. So I had to re-schedule my appointment with Bill my hairdresser which isn't easy. But I got one on July 6th and I put in for the day off so I shouldn't have any problems.... Hopefully. Because I'm not fucking asking Laura to switch with me again. I'm going to look like a fucking sheep dog by the time I can get my haircut again. Grr. that makes me mad.
So yeah, I had an interesting day yesterday to say the least. I was talking to my friend who I've known for a little while online and I was just joking around and stuff like I normally do when I talk to people...and he actually asked me out on a date...like a real date. And let me tell you, that was the shocker of the century. I never expected EVER that he had any kind of romatic feelings for me what-so-ever. Never in my life. He said he just started feeling this way recently. Like when I was talking about hanging out with Bill so much, and all my other guy friends, and seeing my exboyfriend the other night, he said he got jealous and started feeling things he hadn't felt for me before. Totally bizzare. I honestly don't know how I feel about him...I never really considered him to be more then a friend untill he said something to me. He didn't ask me to go steady or anything, he just asked me to go out on one date and see what happens. Needless to say, I'm a tad confused right now. I don't know wether to say "yes" or "no". Mostly because I'm honestly not sure If I'm ready to date again. I've been through so much relationship wise in such a short time. So much confusion, so much drama, so much bullshit. I'm just not sure If I want to date again just yet. I don't want to say "yes" and lead him on and then end up saying that I don't want to persue it further. But on the other hand, I don't think just one date would hurt much. I don't know, this is going to take some serious freakin' thought.
But anyways, back to yesterday. I went to the bank and deposited all my change. Holy shit, it all added up to 96 dollars. Wooooot! That'll pay for a little bit of my car insurance bill coming up...
After that, just chilled untill Kristin and Rae show up.. Hehe :-P We went up to Wendy's and got food, then came back to my house and played Hands Down and Uno before they had to leave to go to their camp for some orientation thing. Then, went up to Borders in Farmington for a bit and picked up a couple things. I got the book "Falling Up" by Shel Silverstein. I Love his poems so much..they're just so great. My goal is to get all of his books eventually. I also picked up something you're probably not going to expect out of me. I had gotten the book "The Purpose Driven Life" from my Church when I graduated highschool. They gave a copy to everyone who graduated with me. And then my life became complicated and I didn't get to church very often so I didn't get to ever read it. But yesterday, I decided that I'm going to. So I got the journal that goes along with it. You read a chapter every day and write in the journal with little notes for yourself, and any thoughts you have while you're reading it. I also asked Rick if I could meet with him a few times while I'm reading it and kind of go through it a little bit. I really want to get a lot out of this. I should also start reading the daily devotional book that Sharon gave me a while back. Don't worry people, I'm not turning all "psycho christian" on anyone. Believe me, I will never be like that. But I just think doing this will help me a lot as a person. And hey, if it doesn't work it doesn't work. But at least I"m doing something instead of continuing to let my life go down the shitter right? So anyway....while I was at Borders, I got a text message from Derek asking me if I wanted to go out for ice cream. I haven't seen him in a good long time, So I met him over at Baskin Robbins and chilled with him for a bit and caught up with him. While we were there, I ran into Alex!!! haven't seen him in soooooooo long. OMG, missed him incredibly much. Was sooo good to see him again. :) Lucky Derek though...he's going camping tomorrow. Wish I was going too. So, came back from there, and talked to Scott till like 2am..and I had to be up at 6. Damn it. lol, why do I always talk to Scott so late?! haha! oh well.
Well yeah, thats been it in a nutshell. This is probably the longest entry I've written in a while. Lol, yup...thats it. untill next time............
posted by Lauren 6/15/2006 06:55:00 PM
Monday, June 12, 2006
I can honestly say that yesterday and today were the best days I've had in a wicked long time. Everything was just so peaceful and fun and good. Yesterday I actually got my ass up and went to Church. And I'm really glad I did. I finally realized how important going to church is for me. I didn't realize how much I missed it. It was a combined service so I saw a lot of people who I haven't seen in ages. And as always, it was really awesome to see Rick again. Seriously, he is the nicest guy I've ever met. He told me it made his day seeing me. :). That just made me feel so good inside. Also saw Sharon and Joy. Was good to see both of them again..even though me and Sharon obviously had crap between us when I was running the pumpkin patch. Anyways, After that I came home and watched some Whose Line..and later Rae stopped over to give a movie back to me that she borrowed. So we sat and talked for a bit, then went to Friendly's for dinner...where we saw some people we went to highschool with...and all I have to say about that, is, it's amazing how nothing has changed. LOL. Seriously, they were immature bitches then, and they're immature bitches now. But yeah, hanging out w/ Rae was a lot of fun. Aparently, she was having issues with her mom that day..and I hope I took her mind off of all of that and brightend her day a little. :)
Then today was actually pretty decent despite the fact that I was tired as HELL when I woke up. But of course, thats my fault for staying up as late as I do. Work went by kind of quickly despite the fact that it was INCREDIBLY slow. I think I made like 5 drinks today. INSANE I tell you. But after work, drove home, and came home to a nice surprise.... Bill called me :). That was really sweet of him. He said "I realized I haven't talked to you in a while and felt bad about it". That made me feel really nice. So yeah, we talked for a few minutes and he told me about Boston and the classes he's taking. Im incredibly happy for him..he totally deserves good stuff happening to him. So yeah, after I talked to Bill, I went up to the grocery store and got some stuff to make a couple meals out of to bring to work. Yeah, Lauren cooked for the first time since I made lasagna. lol. I think thats what I'm gonna do from now on...make like a lot of food and have it for like a week. It'll save money at any rate...After that, I went up to the mall .Why?...Because I was seriously craving coffee. And I hadn't had coffee for about a month. After overdosing on caffine....but anywhoo...there was only one coffee that would satisfy my craving at that point...and that was a mocha coconut from Gloria Jeans....mmmmmmmmmm.........sooooo freakin good. I was in heaven. lol. So, walked around the mall...went to JCPenny and found a new bathing suit that wasn't a million dollars. lol. Then...yeah, stopped a Papyrus to get an anniversary card for my grandfather...and of course, Cat was there. I'm thinking "oh great...". lol But I ended up going in there and we actually had a really nice conversation. And I honestly think the shit between us has subsided. I mean, Im still glad that I don't work for her anymore. But whats weird is she still has me on payroll. I guess everyone misses me so much that they didn't want to take me off. lol ^_^ but I really miss everyone there...I still talk to my love James all the time though ^_^ hehe. I should stop by and visit Sarah again soon. But still..my job may not be the absolute best right now..but Its still better then Papyrus. No matter how nice the people are there.
anywhoo...time to think about getting ready for bed...goodnight all :)
posted by Lauren 6/12/2006 09:43:00 PM
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Few days since I updated last...and honestly, not too much has happend since. However, I guess my mood has taken a turn for the better. With the Goo Goo Dolls concert fast aproaching, Its hard to be upset for too long. Holy crap I can't wait. I soooo freakin' can't wait. I think I'm going to try to sneak in my disposable camera...I have some pictures to finish up on it...I think the only ones on there are from the Clay concert in December...and the roll wasn't finished so I couldn't get them developed....grr. Im anxious to see if they came out or not. Anyways, yeah, I'm excited about the Goo concert........like whoa. lol :-P
Work hasn't been terribly bad. I've got to open a couple times this week..and I'm opening all next week except for Saturday. So I've actually had some evenings free. Bill's last day was like Monday or something...It's definatly not the same without him around. Even if he did get angry with me sometimes for being the slow person that I am, I still miss having him around.
I got a postcard in the mail today from the hotel that we stay at in Daytona. *Cries* I want to go back so freakin' bad. I can't even describe it. I miss it there soooooooooo much. I swear, If I could live there some day, I think I would be in HEAVEN. Even if It storms pretty much every day durring the summer, I don't care. The storms only last like a half hour anyways. No biggie. It just becomes a way of life. OH! speaking of Florida, I found Katie's myspace the other day and talked to her again!! (now that I think about it, I'm actually not sure if I mentioned this on here before or not...If I have, forgive me for repeating myself...lol) but yeah, this kid we went to school with, Jason, put one of his films online...its called Laundry Love....HILARIOUS!!!! Staring Tony of course. Here is the link to it if anyone wants to watch it: Laundry Love....I actually did the smoke machine part for it :-D. I remember filming that was so hard because everyone was cracking up so much. Haha!! good times...good times....
Saw Sam on Thursday :) we went to the mall and hung out for a bit...then went to Dinner at Ruby Tuesday. Was wicked good to see her again. :-P
Mike's Birthday was Thursday.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!! ^_^
Fathers day is coming up....ick.
UGH...........anywhoo...I have to go get ready for work. later days :)
posted by Lauren 6/10/2006 12:54:00 PM
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I honestly don't know how I can get so upset sometimes. Most of the time its for stupid bullshit. I guess what it boils down to is that Im a drama queen. Although knowing now that Ive over reacted to shit recently, it still doesn't help my mood much. I'm seriously trying to carry on w/ my life and pretend like everything isn't all bad. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But all I know is, I'm incredibly sick of people. I'm so fucking sick of people taking advantage of me. The thing is though, is it all sounds real. From the beggining everything sounds so real. But then a 360 happens and I end up getting fucked over. I've just lost all of my trust for everyone. I don't even know what to make of this situation though. I don't know if I should continue to trust, or just say "fuck it all" and just let it go. I'm affraid to talk just because I'm affraid of who its going to get around to. Needless to say, these past few days haven't been the greatest. Well, they have in some aspects, but compelte shit in other ways. Its just been a pretty bumpy ride. I've had someone talk shit about me who I don't even know. Never met, never said a word to in my life. Nor do I want to know or ever meet this person. But the whole situation is totally fucked up. But honestly, thats the least of my worrys. I don't really care what this person thinks about me. I have other shit to worry about. It just sucks. Questioning wether or not the only person you ever thought actually cared about you really does. Oh well. Serves me right for believeing that something good was about to happen. That'd be a little too much.
So..Friday night me and Dom went to the movies. It was alright I guess. Very awkword if nothing else. Just kept reminding me of how much I miss him.
I've been spending a lot of time with Scott..We hung out Sunday night...went to Hops for dinner, then came back to my house where we played pool and watched "RENT". LOL, yeah, I made him watch it more or less...well, I didn't make him, I was just curious to see wether or not he was going to like it. He ended up not really liking it. LOL, oh well. :-P Then last night after I get out of work, I had a message from him..but decided to wait untill I got home to listen to it because Andi was letting me and Stacey out early and I was all about that...so we just grabbed our shit and left. So yeah, got home, listened to Scott's message..he asked me if I wanted to go to this 24 hour Denny's out in Vernon and grab some food. So yeah, I drove all the way back out that way to go get food with him. LOL. Was good to get out of the house I suppose. :-D
Today I got to see Rae and Kristin again :) we wandered around aimlessly at the mall for a bit, then somehow ended up at beachland park and played around on the swings and stuff. LOL, was actually fun. I haven't been on a swing in ages. Then ended up back at my house and played pool, and a game I haven't even looked at in years. LOL.
*sigh* I just wish things would overall get better. And I would know the answer to my question. Thats all.
posted by Lauren 6/06/2006 08:21:00 PM
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Im falling apart. A lot more quickly then I expected after a full recovery. I just don't know what to do. I'm so lost and hopeless. I don't know what to do, where or who to turn to, or anything. A few days ago I had my mind made up. I was going to turn my life around. With the first step being, starting to go to church again. But now, I'm just not sure if its worth it. I know I'll work really hard and get myself at a reasonable state of "Happy", and then someone or something will shit all over me again and it'll all fall to pieces. I just have no idea what to do. Im at a total and complete loss. Loss for words, thoughts, everything. Its all gone.
posted by Lauren 6/03/2006 01:57:00 AM
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