I had the best time EVER last night. Well, maybe not ever, but it was a damn good time.
I went to work...which sucked. Because it was actually pretty busy, and the customers were assholes. but whatever. Thank goodness I was a mid-shift. So, yesterday was supposed to be my "cookout" but seeing that it was raining, I decided to get pizza instead. I get home and find Hannah already there which was cool ^_^. The list turned out to be, Hannah, James, Scott, and Zack. Carolyn, and Lauren couldn't make it. But Lauren brought me a present earlier...its a Hot Topic gift card ^_^ How awesome :). At first I was a little worried. Because nobody new each other except Hannah and Scott...So I really thought things were going to be a little awkward. But turns out, everything went AWESOME. Everyone clicked right away and all got along. It was just amazing. We were all just hanging out joking around and having a great time. I couldn't have asked for anything better. James is seriously, the coolest guy I've ever met. Scott seemed to think so also. I asked him later what he thought of him, because Scott is ussually very good at reading people, and he said that he didn't get one negative vibe from him. I just absolutly adore the guy and every time I see him it grows. *sigh* Zack left around 10ish And he gave me a gift card for the mall ^_^. James left shortly after that. I was sad when he left. :(. Then Hannah, Scott, and I talked untill 2:30am. We had a REALLY amazing talk. It was exactly what I needed for a long time. And I totally trust Hannah and Scott with my life. I got new input on things which I REALLY REALLY needed and I didn't even realize how badly I needed it untill after I got it. I feel soooooo much more relieved about a lot of things and I got some awesome advice. *Sigh*. Wow, that was amazing.
well, thats all I have to say for now. Later :-D
posted by Lauren 8/28/2006 05:42:00 PM
Friday, August 25, 2006
I've been thinking about it...still haven't come to a decision yet, but due to recent insanity about stupid shit that I've written on here, I may change my privacy settings so this will only be readable by invite only. But I probably wont. Mainly because I state clearly in my disclaimer, "If you don't like what I write, don't read it". So everyone just keep that in mind before you go saying shit.
I need to start writing more. No, not in here, I mean, in general. Like poetry. I know it sucks, but hey, it makes me happy when I write something that I think is good.
My schedule fucking sucks again next week. I swear, I'm going to kick Christina in the fucking head. She can't make a schedule worth shit.
I Don't understand why I put up with a lot of the shit that I put up with from people. I don't get it.
Shit has just sucked this week. And Monday was the only day I was able to go to the center. Gr.
I don't know how serious Scott is about moving to Arizona. As much as I would love to live there, I don't think it's going to happen just yet. Because I want to go back to school. I think I want to go Daytona Beach community college. Why? It looks really awesome, and I love Daytona with all of my soul. It's pretty reasonable to live down there too. Theres PLENTY to do, the night life is awesome, the beach is right there, Orlando isn't that far...and its a plus that I already know my way around there. *sigh* sounds awesome. I would love to go to Arizona, but I don't think its going to happen. I have to get to work on this. Thats all I know. I want out of this state ASAP.
Today was just not my day. I was a klutz. I kept walking into things, tripping, dropping stuff, etc, etc, etc. Although, some guy was ordering a hooker over the Borders pay-phone. No joke......
I guess I feel better about Dom. I have to keep trying to put all of that behind me, and try to keep the faith that it wasn't all for nothing. I kept talking like it was all bad, but it wasn't. I definatly miss certain parts about our relationship....he used to leave me text messages while I was sleeping and say really sweet things...even before we were going out I did that. He would say stuff like "I love you and I can't wait to see you again". I still have some of them on my phone actually. I miss his big bear hugs and cuddling with him. *sigh* being single sucks monkey ass.
Fuck all this shit. I think I miss Angelo the most. But I probably shouldn't have said that.
On the off-chance he's reading this, Bill, good luck again in Boston. Take care.
Well, I guess I'm going to go see if that marathon of Degrassi is still on. goodnight all.
posted by Lauren 8/25/2006 12:06:00 AM
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Can somebody please slap me?!?! Like seriously. Just one quick whack upside the head may do a little bit of good. Im so sick of not being able to move on. This is all about Dom. Why can't I just not talk to him ever again and move on with my life?!? WHY?! But No, I insist on trying and trying and trying to get him to see me and hang out every now and then. And of course get no answer. He obviously doesn't give a flying shit about my feelings, or about me in general, and yet, I insist on putting energy into him. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! This is bullshit. This is such fucking bullshit. Insanity to the max. I can't seem to get it through my head that HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT ME. I don't understand why he doesn't care about me. I don't want to push my own buttons, but I'm a pretty decent person. And I put up with A LOT from him to make our relationship last as long as it did. Im sure he put up with a lot from me as well, but still, the stuff I put up with was nowhere near as serious as the shit he gave me. The yelling, nagging, and just pure lack of decency. But I'm back for more. Now what does that say about me? Well, it could either say Im a desperate asshole, or I'm a pretty decent friend/girlfriend. I shouldn't talk like it was all bad, because it wasn't. But the bad stuff is more then I want to deal with anyone else again. Although I already have. My problem is, I think these things, and I know they're true..I just don't act on it. I think this stuff, and then I go and invite him to my cookout on Sunday. Not that he's going to come, because he's not. He probably won't even say Happy Birthday to me. Why do I miss it so much??? Why do I miss the yelling, nagging, and pure lack of decency??? Why do I miss getting yelled at for the most rediculus shit on the planet?!? The lack of support...the best advice he ever gave me being "Get over it". I don't know, maybe the six months of that was all a lie. Maybe he was just lonely, and I was convenient. Although I may as well jump off a bridge now if I found out I wasted six months of my life being "fake loved". September 24th is going to be hardest day of my LIFE. That would have been our one year mark. It's a Sunday, so hopefully I won't have to work that day. I can spend the whole day crying in self pitty. Sounds pathetic, but if I didn't, nobody else would.
posted by Lauren 8/22/2006 02:20:00 PM
Monday, August 21, 2006
I don't know why, but this always puts me in a better mood:
*Part of this is from the 17th, part of this is today..the20th)
17th:
Considering that I don't have much to say, this entry is going to be pretty much bullshit.LOL
My Birthday List (probably wont get any of it because its all un realisitc. lol) 1. Def Leppard/ Journey tickets 2. IPod...a real one 3. Money...to go back to school..or Move...or both 4. Sponge Bob stuff for my bathroom...but that I guess is going to have to wait untill I move out. (yes, when I get my own place, my bathroom is going to be sponge bob themed. ^_^) 5. An acoustic guitar 6. Have one of my poems published, or have some of my art recognized 7. One good friend that I know I can trust 110%. 8. Meet more famous people 9. Somehow get a carreer in movies 10. an Apartment/ condo 11. CD's/DVDs 12. A private Lewis Black, Pablo Francisco, Carlos Mencia comedy night...with only select invites only ;-) ----------------------------------------------
20th:
BOY, does this take me back... LOL. If you want to be taken back too...watch these videos...
I used to watch ALL of that when I was younger...holy crap. Those were the good old days of TV.
Had another AWESOME night last night. It's amazing how the simple nights really make me in an awesome mood. Last night, James and I went to see "Accepted". The new movie with Lewis Black. HOLY SHIT IT WAS FUNNY!!!!!! We were dying. OMG.....lol. I love Lewis Black. I think James and I were the only ones in the theatre who know who he is and truely appreciate his humor. LOL. At one point we high-fived at it. :-D. OMG....wow...that was awseome. Anywhoo...after that we went over to Friendly's and shared some of those waffle fries..those are sooo good. But yeah, that was amazing. James is amazing as well. Its insane what I learn just by listening to him talk. I just wish I had more intellegance to offer back to him. I would say between 98-99 percent of my knowlege is useless. I know every possible fact about the Three Stooges, Drew Carey, Elvis.....shit like that. How is that going to help me?! The only useful information I know is a bit of web design and graphics. I guess my mind only retains useless information. *sigh*
Today was fun..chilled in the morning, then went to see "Miami Vice" with Rae. I was confused for most of it, but it was pretty good. And I'm not going to complain about looking at Colin Ferrell for two hours. ;-) After that we went to Ruby Tuesday, where I ran into James...not the one mentioned before...James, the one I used to work with at Papyrus, and Who I've known for forever before that. (heh, I just noticed my shirt was on backwords. lol..anywhoo...) So that was fun..then came back to my place and watched "Rent". ^_^
My schedule next week SUCKS. I'm not gonna be able to do ANYTHING.
Well, for the most part, I'm in a decent mood. But There is still tons of shit on my mind. Found out some shit is going on in the family now which is dragging my mood down. But I'm praying that it will work out. I love my family. Even if they don't show much love for me. And it would absolutly kill me and the spirit of every holiday and every waking moment to not see us all together again. Theres that, and other shit on my mind. But whatever.
So I got a random check in the mail from Papyrus...it says I worked durring the pay roll period of sometime at the beggining of August....But, I obviously didnt....I have no idea whats up with that.
Haven't written in about five days...I think thats the longest gap in a while...I was doing pretty good there for a bit. Oh well. :-P
The past few days have been so-so...It hasn't been the best days of my life, I'll say that much. Didn't have the greatest of days at work on Friday. I think I messed up everything that was humanly posssible before the store even opened. I was affraid to make drinks...in fear that I might somehow poison somebody. If that wasn't bad enough, After work, On came more shit. I felt like someone unloaded a dump truck on me. My phone was getting bombarded with voicemails, text messages, and all this total and complete bullshit that I didn't want to fucking deal with. I finally got so angry that I had to get out of the house for a while, so I drove to West Hartford Center and took a walk. Trying to relax, but deep down hoping a bus would come by so I could step in front of it. But walking helped alot. I love being at the center at night. Unfortunatly, I did run into Katie. Not my most favorite person to run into..seeing we used to be really good friends, but aren't anymore.
It's okay though. THANKFULLY, all of that fucking insanity that went on is over now.
Had a fun time yesterday...Was my day off so I relaxed, and did a few errands, then met my old Papyrus crew at Olive Garden because Joyanna is leaving for school and we wanted to take her out. I know I worked with all of those people for about three years, and I know all of them really well, but at the same time, I felt really out of place..like I didn't belong with them anymore. I almost decided not to go. But I really wanted to wish Joyanna luck and all of that. She really is a great person. It was Me, Susie, James, Joyanna, Cat, Claudia, Tina, and Susan. Only ones missing were Erica and Sarah. I have a picture of all of us on my digital..Ill have to post in on here when I get a minute..even though I look sooo aweful in it. Lol.
Today wasn't the greatest day..work sucked ass. It's Matty's birthday today and he came into work in an aweful mood complainging and saying that Borders sucks. He was even threatening to quit. Whatever... I can't listen to it. He stayed in that aweful mood untill Heather took him over to the cafe and got a cookie for him and put a candle in it and sang Happy Birthday to him. Heh. After that he seemed to lighten up. But as for me, It was slow as fuck the entire day and I was stuck alone. At least the slow days go better when you have someone to talk to. The worst part about today was I fucking burned myself on the oven. OWWWWW that hurt. I almost yelled out "SON OF A BITCH!!!!!" when I did it...but caught myself just in time. Well, as Ron White says...... "You can't fix stupid". That is so true.
Ya know, I love Matty most of the time. He's a great guy. Granted, he has a HUGE ego, but whatever. If you look past that, he's awesome. I wouldn't want him to leave Borders...although if he did leave, His job would be up for grabs. I would TOTALLY dig it. I would have a position of power which is what I want. And you know what? If he did leave, I think I would have a reasonable chance of getting his job. Im certified in the cafe, so I can train people there. I know my books from working at Borders Express so I could be a bookseller, And I've even played IPT a few days. All I would have to learn is the rest of IPT, and whatever stuff in books that I don't know. Cash is a no-brainer. I would love it. All I would have to do is get Melissa to realize I can do it before she would go and hire or promote someone else. I would even get my own desk in the back room :-P. I wouldn't complain about the pay increase either....
Anyways. I think I'm going to go back to the center and walk. Later.
Fucking sucks Scott is working tonight. I could totally use some chill time with him.
I'm hanging out with Rae on Saturday!!!! I'm wicked excited about that!!!
Anyways. I'm off to the Center again for another walk..hopefully I wont run into anyone stupid.
posted by Lauren 8/14/2006 07:18:00 PM
Thursday, August 10, 2006
So last night was awesome again. James and I went out and saw "World Trade Center"..like we said we were going to. It was actually a lot better then I thought. I would have liked it to be a little more informative as far as it being terrorists...I don't think they mentioned that once. But it was really good and intense. I kind of want to read the 9/11 comission report. I will eventually... James drove us to the movies in his Mustang....holy shit. LOL that thing GOES. There are two straight long roads and only one turn to get to my place from the theatre...so it's pretty much a straight shot.....and let me tell you, we FLEW!. lol, what a rush! I Love hanging out with James...and no, it's not just because of his car. He's a really awesome guy. :)
I think I decided what I'm going to do for my birthday. And yes, it is corny. LOL. I'm going to have some people over for a cookout, then bowling. Hell yeah. :-P I'm going to invite James and Scott of course...and I was also thinking of Inviting Hannah...I don't know if I want to invite Dom or not..I'll have to think on that one. Maybe Lauren..and Kristin and Rae too...but I'm not sure they're going to be around. HA! I feel like a five year old inviting people to a little party with balloons and shit. lol.
In other un-important news.....
Based on a recent experiment I conduced on myself.... I think I'm lactose intollerant. exciting huh?
I found a bunch of episodes of "Daria" on Youtube. I was soo happy! I miss that show so much. I remember me and Sam used to be obsessed...we used to watch it every day and talk about it at school the following day. LOL. such dorks. But yeah, that is a great show. I wish it would come out on DVD.
Ya know what other show I really want on DVD? Doug. from Nickelodeon. I LOVE THAT SHOW. And every other show for that matter...I have some Pete and Pete DVDs which rule...but I'd love to have all the other ones.
My friend Jon is texting me right now convinced that he is someday going to see my boobs. I say keep trying. LOL. I don't know why I wrote that...is that really a need-to-know thing? oh well...since when do I write stuff on here that people actually "need to know"?
First off, I want to say that If all goes according to plan, I'll be living in Arizona by the end of March.
I've been so fucking lazy lately it's unbelieveable. I really need to get to the gym and go swimming.... For like fucking hours.
I guess a LITTLE of the hoopla from meeting the Goos has died down a little....not really though ;-)
New video up..well, it's not really new..its a few days old now. "Better Days" by the Goos.
I got my pictures developed from the concert...none of them came out. LOL, and also the ones I took back in December at the Clay concert didn't come out either. Oh well. :-P
Just a side note before I continue this, Im playing a mix that I made a wicked long time ago that I didn't write down what tracks are on it....and I just stumbled on some Duran Duran. WHOA. lol.
Yesterday turned out to be a decent day overall. Bill came into Borders which was of course a little weird. We ended up talking on AIM later that day...which was also weird. I don't really know if we're friends or not...all I know is that its ....well, "weird". lol.
Had an awesome time with James on Monday. We were originally going to see "World Trade Center" because I got free passes from work for an advanced showing of it. But, he got to the theatre a little late and it was sold out. So we ended up seeing "Talladega Nights" instead. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny. So, We're going to go see World Trade Center tomorrow. :) He kept me updated on the election today which was kind of cool :-P.
This may sound a little creepy, but I really like guys that smell nice. Like, nice cologne or that AXE stuff. And let me just say, James smells REALLY nice. So does this guy Tom that I work with. Nice guy, but strange. But yeah, James smells amazing.
Work is going really well. I'm getting along with pretty much everyone. Today Me, Scott, Stacey, Laura, Hannah and Matty were all hanging out in the cafe laughing and having a great time. Carolyn is leaving though..she got a promotion at her other job. I'll miss her sooo much, but I'm really happy for her :).They've been interviewing a bunch of people. I talked to one guy who got interviewed by Melissa...I don't think he got the job. LOL. Theres this guy who comes into the cafe on a regular basis...pretty much every day. I don't want to sound like a bitch or anything but this guy is possibly the ugliest guy I've ever laid eyes on. He's flabby and has man-boobs and he can't really walk straight. But anyways, this guy orders 2 large con pannas (which is espresso w/ whipped cream) with an extra shot each. So thats 8 shots of espresso. And a lot of the time he comes back for a third one. So...thats 12 shots of espresso. Do you have ANY idea how much caffine that is?!?!?!? I don't even want to do the calcuations to find out. This guy is just so fucking annoying. He'll come in and just expect me to react right away and get his "drinks" and He'll give me this annoyed look and shit. Grr. Drives me INSANE. And he'll sit there litterally ALL DAY with his lap-top doing shit on that. He's been there for my entire shift sometimes. I really don't know why I brought that up. Just on my mind I guess.
Anywhoo....my stomach kinda hurts...so I'm gonna go crash. night all.
posted by Lauren 8/08/2006 11:35:00 PM
Saturday, August 05, 2006
*NOTE TO SELF* Do NOT drive at night after crying for a really long time...you will not be able to see.
posted by Lauren 8/05/2006 10:28:00 PM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Ive watched the "Live in Alaska" DVD and Dreampt about it....watched the "Live in Buffalo" DVD and dreampt about it...seen them in concert 4 times and dreampt about it. Listend to CD after CD, looked at picture after picture, fan site after fan site. I've even said to myself over and over again "This will happen someday" But on July 31st at aproximately 6:45 pm, I, Lauren Paige R******** Met the Goo Goo Dolls. *FAN SCREAM*
OMG it was incredible. The whole thing was absolutly incredible. So, I go online about an hour before Scott gets here to check and see if they allow cameras in the venue, and I notice on the website that they were going to have a meet and greet an hour before the show and they were going to be signing autographs on their new album cover. I'm thinking to myself "nah, theres no way in hell I'm going to be able to make it." but at the same time, I'm totally freaking out inside because I would absolutly die in the biggest fan-girl way if I ever got to meet them. But still, I thought with all the people that were going to be there, there would be no way in hell. So I bring Scott and I over to Denise's to meet my dad and Denise, and we leave for Mohegan Sun. Get there, park, get inside and find the venue...when we see this huge line all the way down the hallway. I'm thinking to myself "That must be it". So, Of course, I stand in it because it wasn't NEARLY as bad as I had thought..at least it was some-what organized. All the while, it hasn't sunk in yet that I'm actually standing in line to meet them. So we started talking to the girl in front of us, and we took pictures...and finally the line starts moving. The closer I get, the more it sinks in that they're actually there...Acting like a total nutcase. But I did calm myself down a little when I got to the front of the line.
First, I met Robby (the person who is featured on this page incase you didn't know). Who is TOTALLY AWESOME. He's so friendly. He was like "Hi there, how are you, whats your name...its nice to meet you". He signed my album cover, and I shook his hand and all that....I'm thinking OMG!!!!!! lol, Next was the love of my life....John...I nearly passed out when I saw him. He looks sooooo good in person (close up). He's actually taller then he appears..and he's rather buff....and holy crap. My jaw nearly dropped. I saw his tattoo up close that I love so much...
This one...
I love it!! but anywhoo...Said "hi" to John.....He was really friendly too...I was like dying when I shook his hand and we made eye contact....AHHH!!! wow, I really am a loser...Next was Mike..who doesn't really say much anyways...he's the quiet one of the group. But he was wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt! So he signed my album cover and I stepped away...just ready to pass out. I couldn't believe what just happend. Scott was looking at me like I was INSANE. LOL. But Seriously...OMG....I met John Rzeznik.....one of my lifetime dreams has come true. The only thing that sucks is they were really strict about everything. They would only let people get autographs on the album cover. not your ticket, t-shirt or anything. And they weren't letting anyone take pictures with them. I guess that was because they just didn't have the time.
So after all that hoopla died down...(well it didn't die down inside of me..) we went in and got t-shirts and stuff and went to find out seats. Our seats were in the last section, but they weren't bad at not.We could see everything very clearly. The concert itself was AWESOME. Wow...I love them even more now then I did before...if that's possible. They played for about an hour and a half. The only thing that kind of surprised me was, they didn't play hardly any songs from "Gutterflower" The only ones they played were "Smash" and "Tucked away" which are both Robby's songs. I'm surprised they didn't at least play "Here is gone" But they did stuff from "Dizzy"... like "Black Balloon" (which durring that song, people were tossing around Black Balloons ^_^) "Iris", "Broadway", and "Slide". Sooo amazing.
Counting Crows were actually pretty good as well. I didn't really know what to expect from them because the only song I ever heard was the song from Shrek 2. But they were pretty decent. I think Scott is going to burn me a CD of theirs or something.
*sigh* that was absolutly insane. The best time I've had in a while. I met my favorite band.
*NOTE: unless otherwise specified, all of the graphics on this page were made by me. Please don't take them* Today I feel:
The Internet Feels:
DISCLAIMER:
All of the things written here are the views/opinions of ME. I'm not writing in here to make you happy. I'm writing here to make me happy. Thats why it's MY page. I don't care if we don't have the same tastes or disagree about things. We're all different, and you're welcome to your opinions. You may find many things about me that you don't like. But when it boils down to it, I don't care. If you don't like what I write, don't read it.
ABOUT ME:
I'm normal, but I'm completely different. I should have been born about 20 years before I actually was. Most of the music I listen to, the way I dress, and the way I think all go back to that time. As a result, I relate a lot better to people who are older than me. I'm completely independent and rely on nobody except myself (and God). I've been living on my own for 3 years. I didn't really go to college. My goals were just different than most peoples. I wanted to be out on my own and working rather than sitting in a classroom with no real direction. Besides, school is just not for me. I enjoy learning when I'm not forced to do it. I read constantly and am always learning new things. I hope to be involved with TV, music, or movies in someway. I would also love to write. I'm a realist. I have an excellent head on my shoulders. I have more common sense than most people. The most important thing in my life is my relationship with God.
The best advice I can give to anyone is laugh.....always :)
