Sunday, October 29, 2006
A LETTER
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Dear Friend,
I don't think I've ever managed to tell you about how greatful I am for you except in round-about ways. I guess I was too shy to go all out and spill everything to you face to face. I suppose I still am.
There isn't anyone else in my life like you. There never has been, and probably never will be. I sit back and wonder what my life would be like right now if you weren't in it. My first reaction is that I may not be on earth right now. You were the only one who was there for me in my darkest days when I hurt so much I couldn't bare to go on. Whenever I need a light, you're right there holding it for me. The words you said still ring in my mind. "You deserve better"....."You bring out the best in me"....."I love hanging out with you".
I look back at all of the amazing times we've had together. Going out late at night, Seeing our favorite bands in concert, Staying up untill 3am on the phone when one of us had to go to work the next morning, Long discussions about movies, psychology, and anything under the sun. Most importantly, laughing. I can always count on you when I need to be cheered up. And I have a feeling you can say the same about me. I really hope so.
Now, more then ever, I want you to know that I'm here for you. Always and forever. Whenever you need guidance, I'm here. Whenever you need a laugh or two, I'm here. I will be here for you day and night, dark and cloudy days, through good and bad times, whenever you're just looking for some company, or for no reason at all. You have treated me better then anyone ever has. People who I thought were close to me turned their backs. You stayed with me. I can't express my thanks for you and I don't think I will ever be able to put it in words. Ugodly things in this world have tortured you and I just want you to know I will never be one of them.
as always, I can relate a song to a person in my life, and This one is for you:
"Stand here with Me"- Creed
You always reached out to me and helped me believe
All those memories we share
I will cherish every one of them
The truth of it is there's a right way to live
and you showed me
So now you live on in the world on a song
you're a melody
You stand here with me
Just when fear blinded me you taught me to dream
I'll give you everything I am and still fall short of
What you've done for me
In this life that I live
I hope I can give love unshelfishly
I've learned the world is bigger than me
You're my daily dose of reality
You stand here with me now
On and on we sing
On and on we sing this song
'Cause you stand here with me.
And this line from another song:
"I've never been the praying kind; lately I've been down on my knees. Not looking for a miracle, just a reason to believe"- Savage Garden- Hold me
You're my reason to believe.
I will always pray for you no matter what. You're my best friend, and You always will be.
Lots of love,
LAUREN
posted by Lauren 10/29/2006 12:13:00 AM
Friday, October 27, 2006
I can't really type for long...seeing I have to leave for work in about 20 minutes, But I thought I would type a quick entry.
Theres so many things I just want to explode about. But I'm really trying to not say anything. Mostly because I can't.
I swear, If I can get through what I'm going through right now, I can get through anything. I need a day to just do NOTHING. Seems like even on my days off I'm constantly running around trying to see my friends and my mom. As much as I love my friends, I need some time to myself. My head is going a million miles a minute right now and I just need to CHILL. I think Tuesday is the day I'm going to do that. I'm turning my phone off, not going online, and just relaxing. Maybe I'll start to clean my room a little bit since I've been meaning to do that for a while. Just going slowly through everything and organizing it. Nothing stressful. I've just got to find a way to relax. But I honestly think my body/mind doesn't know the meaning of the word.
I really can't wait for today to be over. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
posted by Lauren 10/27/2006 02:15:00 PM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Just so you know, I'm in the mood to rant...yet again. LOL, so I'm sorry if this post turns into a rant. :-P
I finally started reading "Scorpia"...the second to newest book in the Alex Rider series that I'm reading. It's really good so far. They're actually making movies out of them..the first one being "Stormbreaker". I'm really not looking forward to the movies...I mean, I think they'll be good, But I have a really good idea in my head of whats going on and I don't want the movie to ruin it for me...which is why I'm debating on wether or not to see it.
I'm really angry that I had to work tonight...I missed a phone call from someone that I really did not want to miss.
FYI- Being in Tolland at night is like something out of a Stephen King novel...especially when its raining.
No plans for Halloween....at least nothing other then dressing up at work. Still debating on what I'm going to be... I'm not sure they would allow me to dress up as ozzy..and it might be a little difficult to work with the cape on...so I was considering being a Hippie. If my hair was still long that would work out better though...hmmm.... Any other ideas?
If you didn't notice, I got a new tagboard because the other one was acting really funky. Be the first to sign it :)
All in all, things are in the up-side I guess. This is actually going to be a really presonal thing to talk about and I normally wouldn't talk about it on here, but I guess I will now......I think I need to start praying. I rarely ever do and I think it would be a good thing. Especially now that I have some decisions to make in my life and people who I really care about need it. And like always, I need to get my butt to church more often. I really just need to buckle down and go and make religion a part of my life again. It's been hidden away for a very long time. I should talk to Nichole. She is a very good inspiration on that sort of thing. I really want to learn more about the Bible and stuff..I was thinking about joining a Bible study class..if there was one that fit around my work schedule....I kind of regret not paying attention in Sunday school now.... But I was a kid...what are you gonna do?? Anyways...thats all I'm going to say about that.
The past two days at work were INSANE. And thats all I will say because I know that topic can get boring.
I think I found an apartment that I may move into. It was the one my mom used to live at. It's pretty nice and It's in a good location.. only down the street from where I live now. I really would like to live closer to work...But I don't at the same time...because I like being close to West Hartford Center, and my mom is here..and James is close as well. So I think staying aorund this area would be the best thing at this point. If I wasn't going to move around this area, I may just end up in Florida. lol.
I made a decision not too long ago...I decided that I'm going to be excited about the Holidays this year. Last year was just insanity. I was so stressed from working 2 jobs and not having any time to myself and I just hated Christmas and everything about it. But not this year. I'm not going to get stressed out and become a Scrooge. I'm going to be happy and jolly and listen to Christmas music and make my cards and all that stuff.
yup...tahts it. :)
posted by Lauren 10/22/2006 12:17:00 AM
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream"
-Edgar Allen Poe
A'int it the truth.
These past couple days have without a doubt been a lot better. I honestly haven't even written these events down in my journal....because I really don't want to remember them. But there is definatly light....and thats literally all I can say.
My dad and I went to the movies on Friday up at the cinestudio at Trinity...which is the only real university I would ever consider going to.....the only problem is, it's over $30,000 a year. Anywhoo, we went to see the "Illusionist", but they changed the movie at the last minute and we saw the "Black Dahlia" instead. Heh, which was really an amazing movie. It was really classy like something that was made back in the forites. I didn't think Josh Hartnett was capable of playing such a character, but definatly pulled it off. Although it was good, I'm still dissapointed that I didn't get to see the "Illusionist".
Saturday was a normal day of work...I don't really remember what I did other then that. Sunday I had to work 1-6 and didn't do anthing after that..Just wasn't in the mood....and if I remember correctly, it was freezing. Monday after work I went to the mall and walked around for a little bit. Don't really know why. lol.
Yesterday was fun.... I went to the center in the morning to go to Bennett's to get a some nice paper for something I'm making...Even though I go to the Center a lot durring the night, It's actually really cool to go there durring the day as well....should do that more often when I have mornings off. Anywhoo, later on I met Jon up in Manchester at the mall because I wanted to look for a birthday present for my dad. So yeah, we walked around there for a while and ate lunch at Johnny Rockets....mmmm....love that place. Then came home and started my project which I mentioned earlier....came out really awesome I think. I'm glad I still have my artistic skills. lol. Then just as I was finishing James called me...and told me he was back from Florida. (he went down there to help his brother move) And aparently while he was gone, he left the Mustang at his friends shop...and yeah, I guess he played with it some more... LOL...umm, let's just say the thing is louder then it was before, which I didn't think was possible....and umm....other stuff. ;-). So yeah, James invitied me over his house for a bit just to hang out...we watched "Office Space" and a Lewis Black DVD which I haven't seen surprisingly enough. He has a nice house, and his dog Chester is cool too :-P. And I actually made it there and back with only one problem. LOL....yeah, I'm a moron, but at least I knew where I was.
UGh, theres so many things to rant about. But I really don't want to turn this into a rant entry. I'm sure none of you feel like reading that...all two of you that there is. lol
23 Days till the Lewis Black show. ^_^.....soooooooooo excited
huh. I had something I was going to say, then I went to a message board to see if anyone responded to my post, and now I forgot what I was going to talk about.....
oh yeah!!
I started actually avidly watching Degrassi....before I would only watch it if It happend to be on, but Im really getting into it. Even though the concept of the show Is a little insane for people like me who definatly werent the average teenager. But It's still a good show, even though I can't believe I watch it.... :-P
anywhoo. Peace love and loud mustangs. lol.
posted by Lauren 10/18/2006 11:01:00 AM
Saturday, October 07, 2006
I put a new video up in the "extra stuff" section. I think you all should check it out. Yeah. do it. It's hilarious. Then after you watch the video, go rent "Back to School". Because thats where the video is from. Yup. Go get it.
My overnight shift actually turned out to not be so bad. I pulled an all-nighter on Wednesday night; Went to bed between 6&7am. I got a couple of Lewis Black's CD's and listend to them. ;) And let me tell you, it was actually really cool to be up durring those times. It's really beautiful outside. I wish I was more of a Morning person, but yeah, I'm totally not...anyways, thats not the point of this paragraph. lol, So I went to bed then and slept untill like 1 or so. Little did I know, While I was sleeping Cristina from work called my house and talked my dad and told him that Laura called out again and Scott (different one then my friend Scott) had to come in and open the cafe and they needed me to come in at 7 and close. And She said that I wouldn't have to stay untill 7am like everyone else and I wouldn't probably get to leave at 4am. Thats exactly what I did...I went in and closed the cafe. And I had the worst time ever in there. I had next to no customers for those three hours. At the last possible fucking minute, when I had everything cleaned, the stupid workers came over and ordered like a million drinks. On top of that they were all talking to me at once.."Can I get this?" "How much is this?" and all this bullshit I nearly went insane. Then they were complaining to me that I had to dump the coffee at the end of the night and I couldn't just give it to them. I had one guy drink like a third of his drink then come back and tell me that I didn't fill up his cup. Yeah, I fucking saw him drink it. They were just being incredibly dis-respectful. I was ready to pull my hair out. But once we got working on the re-model, everything was great. I can honestly say that I enjoyed myself. Not many people where there...It was Gillian, Matty, Hannah, PJ, and that new girl Elizabeth. So yeah, that was really cool. I totally wish I was in books. Even with customers, it's better than the Cafe.
Last night was aweful. I think Iwas screwed up from my overnight shift so I couldn't sleep when nightime came. TOTALLY could not sleep. I kept tossing and turning all night, and it didn't help that Scott called me around 1am either. the last time I looked at the clock, it was 4:30am. So, I couldn't have slept more then 2 1/2 hours... Ugh. I'm surprised I made it through the day.
I got my Lewis Black tickets in the mail today........WOOOOOOOOT!! SOOO excited it's unbelieveable.
Speaking of Lewis Black...I got those CD's of his at work and was listening to them when I pulled that all-nighter (as I previously mentioned). My dad was sleeping so I didn't want to play them over my stereo because chances are good I would wake him up, so I decided to dig out my old portable CD player. I have a newer one, but I didn't have any batteries available and my wall adapter doesn't fit in it...So I used my old one. And Yeah baby. It Still works. My dad got it for me for Christmas when I was about 13. Check it out:
yeah, the thing is huge. I can't even tell you how many times I've dropped it when I used to walk to school and use it. The whole top has come off, and the plate with the screen on it that goes over the buttons has popped out of place too...the bass boost switch is gone, and when you push the forward and back arrows too fast, the repeat goes on. lol But ya know what, It STILL works. They don't make electronics like that anymore. ^_~ My newer one isn't even that great...But it was only 15 bucks. :-P
I think I may start taking guitar lessons on Sundays. I've been seeing Katie quite a bit at the center and I met her guitar teacher (although she rarely goes to lessons) and he seems really cool. So I asked him if he happend to teach on Sundays and he said Yes. So I'm thinking about signing up seeing that I get Sundays off most of the time. :) I totally hope I can work it out, that would be awesome. I haven't had a lesson since I got out of highschool...and I've just been kind of playing around every now and then, and trying to figure stuff out, but I think it would be cool to have formal lessons.
Well anyways... thats about it. Nothing else is really new. Ill be sure to let you all know if there is anything though. lol :-P
later!
posted by Lauren 10/07/2006 09:41:00 PM
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
It really sucks being sick....totally. The only good part about it is, I get to take Nyquil. *giggles*
But anywhoo, Yeah, I'm totally congested in every way possible. I feel my chest like lodged up. I can't take it. However I had a shower soother left over from when I was sick the last time, and I used that. *ahhhhh* Those things are bitchin. They're so bitchin, that I just got back from CVS getting more, and another can of soup. I slept soooo much last night. I took some nyquil around like 10:30...and was definatly out by 11. And Slept untill like 11:30 this morning. However, tonight and tomorrow night I'm going to try to pull all-nighters so prepare myself for my overnight shift at work...which I'm not looking forward to. I was looking forward to it at first..because I can do my job with no customers in the store...but Today I met some of the workers and the compitance of these people is definatly questinable......wow. Thats all I have to say. Hannah said they're definatly not the brightest crayons in the box. She said at times they were all just standing around and watching all of our staff work. Untill Mellissa got on their ass aparently and told them to fire up the bullett train. One of them put their lunch in our drink fridge in the cafe....Yeah. Heather noticed it when she came to get my drawer...yeah, they could have fucking asked me. Stupid.
I got James a little trinket for taking me out last week...I got him a bottle opener that's shapped like a tie ^_^. He seemed to like it...I hope he did :).
Haha...All I have to say is, I stand by what I said when I said Karma is a bitch. Yeah, I wasn't kidding. And It's funny that some people don't realize that I'm right and change their fucking attitude. But, It'll get back to them... and it kind of has ...because Karma is a bitch. *Evil laugh*
I'm debating on wether or not I shuold be a suck-up and get Mellissa a present for Boss's day. I got Heather a card already. I know she deserves it after all the shit she puts up with. And I hope she knows that I appreciate everything that she does in that store...wether it directly effects me or not.
I can't wait for the Lewis Black show. I soooooooooooooooooooo can't wait. It's going to be the most awesome thing. And I'll be there with an awesome person, so that makes it even better ^_^.
*sigh* well, I"m off to make my soup.....and try to feel better.
later!
posted by Lauren 10/03/2006 11:45:00 PM
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