So, I know it's been a while. Yet again. Things are really crazy for me at the moment. I've been really confused emotionally, like I have been for quite some time. But it seems it's at it's prime right now. The thing that sucks is, I can't really talk to anyone about it. Except for maybe Hannah, but I really don't get to talk to her all that much. The only other way of letting my emotions out is by writing in my private journal,which Is pretty much what I've been doing. Although It's not the same as talking to someone and getting feedback. As much as I hate to admit it (because I can be a stubborn bitch and say "I can deal with anything) It really would be nice to have someone to talk to about now. But, like I said, their really isn't anybody. It's about the only other person besides Hannah who I can talk to so that does me absolutely no good. LOL. However, I do have faith that it will all work out at some point. It probably won't be soon, but still. I believe it will.
Been writing a lot more poems recently too...I think I've come up with three new ones in the past couple days. Which is really incredible for me. Thats how you know I'm in a weird mood....seems like the only time I get inspiration is when I'm in a weird mood. lol. Go to my DeviantArt page if you feel like checking them out.
I had another weird dream...but I can't remember it. Drat! >.< I need to start writing them down.
I can NOT wait untill Daniel Wallace's new book comes out. I'm literally on the edge of my seat waiting for it. I absolutely love him.
Work is pretty much the same shit, different days. I spoke to Heather about a certain co-worker of mine who has been bugging me by being incredibly lazy. Like, lazy beyond belief. Hopefully something will come of that because I am so fucking sick of it.
Tomorrow Erica, James and I are hanging out!!! I miss both of them so much! I haven't seen Erica in an incredibly long time. I think we're going to Red Robin and then They're probably going to come back to my apartment and hang out for a while.
I'm still loving my place. It's so incredibly nice. And I was very pleased to see that my electric bill was only 27 dollars this month. That's pretty amazing. I was expecting to see like 100 dollars or something. Although they found out about my free cable and now I have to pay for it. Grrrrr. They couldn't just give it to me and make me happy. Great. really great. Oh well....I'll deal. I'm doing soooo much better than I thought. My paychecks have been a lot more than I originally thought, so I think I'll be able to get ahead a little bit even after bills and my incredibly expensive gas tank. Shouldn't be too bad. Just have to be smart with my money.
Thursday was possibly the worst day ever. See, I came home around 2:30am...got to bed aroun 3am. I had to get up at 7 to get my oil changed, but I figured that was fine because I didn't have to be at work untill 4 so I could come home and sleep in between the two. Yeah, no such luck. I came home and tried to sleep...and that cat was meowing her little head off. I was soooo angry. Then once the cat was quiet, my phone was ringing off the hook. I never answered it, but my mom kept on calling me like 4 million times. I know it was her because she's really the only one that calls me back if I don't answer the first time. I was soooooooooooooooooooooooo angry. Turns out she was all freaked out because I changed my voicemail message to a little snippet from Pirates of the Caribbean and she got all insane because she thought it wasn't me. "AYE" is all I have to say to that. So yeah, I ended up getting next to no sleep. Fun huh? The good thing is I came home from work and went right to bed and got a decent amount of sleep. But I'm still not caught up. lol.
speaking of sleep, I think I'm actually going to go grab myself some. Goodnight all :).
posted by Lauren 4/28/2007 11:49:00 PM
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Ugh. Today is pretty much the worst day ever. The weather really blows so I haven't even had the desire to leave my apartment all day. I mean, I really want to, but the thought of going out and getting wet and all that nonsense has kind of prevented me from moving. lol. thats so horrible. But on the other hand, I haven't had a day off where I've had NOTHING to do in a looooong time. So in a way it's nice to have just sat around all day watching That 70's show and napping.
Speaking of napping, I had the weirdest dream. I think all of this rain triggered some of it, but, I drempt that I was driving to work and all of a sudden, the road ended and there was a huge body of water at the end of the road. And I was like "What the hell happened to the road?" and I couldn't turn around because obviously I'd be going the wrong way because it was the highway. Then off to my right I see this HUUUUGE wave growing and about to crash right over my car and I. In the wave I can actually see dolphins and fish and stuff. So, the wave crashes over me and then my dream cuts to a different scene where I'm with a cop and we're looking for my car...I guess my car and I got seperated in the wave...*shrugs* I don't know. Anywhoo, The weird thing was (as if this dream isnt weird enough)We were IN my car while we were driving around looking for it. I eventually realized that in my dream and told the cop that I didn't need him anymore because we were actually in my car. lol. I remember the cop being somewhat useless anyway...which really isn't surprise..but anywhoo...pretty much the rest of the dream was me trying to run from all this rain/waves and stuff. It was sooo bazar. I can't remember the details of the rest of it.
I had a big long rant to make...but I think I'll spare you all, for now. lol
I've lost all hope with new music....minus these few people:
Josh Groban:
Michael Buble:
I especially love him. It's so refreshing to see a young person like him doing classy music like this instead of that Justin Timberlake bullshit. I love him!!
John Stevens:
Chris Daughtry:
Bo Bice:
Rob Thomas:
Annnnnd thats about it folks. Most of them are from American Idol, but still. Those are the only people I feel have talent. Let's face it. New Music sucks.
Grrr. Yesterday I was in a pretty decent mood, but now I'm actually quite frustrated. With my Father, work, and my "friends", and just life. Considering that my father doesn't know how to fucking do things properly, theres some backlash still left from the move and all that bullshit is driving me nuts. Then theres work. I'm seriously thinking about starting to look for another job. It's not even the fact that I dont like my job...because I do. It's just that It seems like no matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I try, It will never be good enough. Even if I exceed all possible bounderies and do everything to the maximum, it's not going to ever be good enough. Theres always something more that good have been done. I will never get commended for my work, or even just a "good job". They're always going to say that I could have done more instead of focusing on what I did do. I'm just so incredibly annoyed with it. They expect so much of everyone and we don't get paid for it. I can see if We got paid about 12-13+ dollars an hour they could expect a little more. But they don't even pay me enough for the work that I do now. Which is why I lack motivation. But ocassionally when I do get a "burst" and go beyond expectations, it's still just satisfactory. So whats the point? They just don't appreciate me enough. I'm just seen as coverage for the store so the managers can do as little as possible...And now that I'm going to be trained in books too, thats REALLY all I'll be seen as. I'll be able to back everybody up and all that nonsence. I wish I had gotten that supervisor job. Let me tell you, things would have changed. There wouldn't be half of the amount of shit there is now. I'd be on everybody like a leech. Lenore wouldn't be grazing around the store being useless and sitting down and reading the newspaper while she's on the clock. Id fucking call her out on that shit so fast. That shit drives me FUCKING NUTS when I see it. I don't care if she would have technically been higher than me. Laura wouldn't stand around all day being lazy and going out of her way to not do things when it takes just as much effort to do them. Fuck that shit. Everybody would be walking around, greeting customers, and doing their fucking job. I know it sounds pretty harsh, but with this group of freaks that I work with, thats the attitude that a supervisor must posess. You have to be a bitch. Thats the only way around it.
UGH. People in general are just driving me nuts. Nobody is doing things they say they're going to, and fucking blow me off. I'm totally done with it. Either stick to your fucking story, or leave me alone. Hannah said like a few days ago that she wanted to get together with me tomorrow, and I can gaurantee its not going to happen. Something always "comes up". I don't know why she bothers to mention it to me and then just let me down. Everyone is just driving me so fucking nuts.
Hi everyone!!! I'm back!!! It's been a really long time indeed...probably one of my biggest breaks ever. But I'm back :-D Things got really crazy for me in the month of March, so I didn't really have time (or the desire) to write anything. But Things are really great for me now.
After a lot of stress and insanity, I finally found my own apartment. I moved into the same building as my mom, yeah, it could be a better situation, but she hasn't bothered me too much as of now, so it's still really great. It's so nice to be able to come home and have no one there but my cat. I can now do whatever I want, when I want, and have no one to answer to. It's just so incredibly great. My apartment is very nice..a lot nicer than anything I could have hoped for. It has a pool, and a workout room. If you know me, you know I've ALWAYS wanted a pool. even if it's not technically my own, It's still really awesome. Now I'm about 98% unpacked and settled in and things are fantastic. Packing however, was a REAL bitch! I never realized how much shit my dad and I accumulated in all our years of living at the same condo. That and my dad has no idea how to go through things. The basement was a NIGHTMARE. My dad literally took everything out of everywhere and just threw it on the floor instead of going through it and throwing stuff out, and cutting our work in half. So that was fun...tip toeing through a pile of shit scattered around the basement floor and looking for stuff that I wanted to keep. He did the same thing with the kitchen too. It was just totally insane. Moving day itself actually didn't go all that badley. Derek came over and helped out and I recruited Zack to help too. And I am INCREDIBLY greatful for it. The good part was I didn't have nearly as much stuff as I thought I did. my dad brought the truck over around 9am and we were done loading and unloading by 12:30. I couldn't have asked for it to go any better than that. the first night at my apartment was exciting...but I loved it :). It's weird being in new place after being in my condo for sooooo long. I was actually sad at first, but I'm totally over it now. I have so much more room than I did before and it's just overall sooooo much better. My cat is pretty much adjusted as well. She was really scared when I had her in her cage in the car to bring her over..she was all crying and stuff...awwww. But she's totally fine now :) she still hides when she hears people walking in the halls but it's all good. Had Jon over to christian my TV with Clerks 2 ^_^ that was awesome.....
oh!!!...haha!! hilarity.
So on the second I had jury duty. It actually wasn't nearly as bad as I had originally thought. Best part was, I didn't have to go to work. It was just a day of doing crossword puzzles and talking to lawyers. Lol. Was kind of freaky though being in a courtroom on the stand and answering questions. They didn't pick me for a trial though, thank goodness. I don't think I could handle the preassure.
I don't know If I had previously mentioned this or not...I don't think I did, If I did, feel free to just skip over this. lol. Yeah, This guy I worked with, Matty, decided to up and quit. And he was a supervisor, so I decided to go for his job. Along with 2 other people I work with. I had a really good interview and all that, but I didn't get it :(. My interview went a lot better than I originally thought, but Melissa decided to hire someone who used to work there who had already done the job before. Figures. But the good news is, pretty soon I'll get to be in the book department a couple days a week. :) People are quitting left and right. Erik and Nina both quit recently. I'll seriously miss both of them. They were really awesome people compared to others. So yeah, we'll see how this new person works out.
Anywhoo..I think I caught everyone up on stuff going on...sorry again for the long pause, but like I said, just didn't have the time or the energy to write. lol later all!
posted by Lauren 4/05/2007 12:44:00 PM
*Lauren's Blog*
*NOTE: unless otherwise specified, all of the graphics on this page were made by me. Please don't take them* Today I feel:
The Internet Feels:
DISCLAIMER:
All of the things written here are the views/opinions of ME. I'm not writing in here to make you happy. I'm writing here to make me happy. Thats why it's MY page. I don't care if we don't have the same tastes or disagree about things. We're all different, and you're welcome to your opinions. You may find many things about me that you don't like. But when it boils down to it, I don't care. If you don't like what I write, don't read it.
ABOUT ME:
I'm normal, but I'm completely different. I should have been born about 20 years before I actually was. Most of the music I listen to, the way I dress, and the way I think all go back to that time. As a result, I relate a lot better to people who are older than me. I'm completely independent and rely on nobody except myself (and God). I've been living on my own for 3 years. I didn't really go to college. My goals were just different than most peoples. I wanted to be out on my own and working rather than sitting in a classroom with no real direction. Besides, school is just not for me. I enjoy learning when I'm not forced to do it. I read constantly and am always learning new things. I hope to be involved with TV, music, or movies in someway. I would also love to write. I'm a realist. I have an excellent head on my shoulders. I have more common sense than most people. The most important thing in my life is my relationship with God.
The best advice I can give to anyone is laugh.....always :)
